Bags, Fags & Drags

Piss & Vinegar tastes better when you serve it with kindness!

2011-06-01T22:27:00.001-07:00

Oh life, why can’t you be as cute and loveable as Zooey Deschanel? I mean really, look at her NAME? Could it get any cuter or more fun to say? Well, this mouthful (Michelle Lesniak Franklin) needs a bit of a vacation. Warm weather? Sandy beaches? Heck no. I need a road trip, white tank, black bra, dirty jeans, chips and guac and a salted beer at a hole-in-the-wall-in-the-middle-of-no-where kind of vacation.

Who’s with me?

2011-04-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

Did ya ever see the Rain?
Blame it on the Rain…ya ya.
Rain, feel it on my finger tips...
It’s raining it’s pouring the old man is…
Umbrella Ella Ella eh eh eh…

Well, today is looking to be as blue as ever, blue skies that is! And with those blue skies and spherical sun goes my ambition for the day.

What I was planning to do:

Finish my raincoat
Edit my raincoat pattern
Design raincoat hood
Pattern hood
Buy snaps & toggles for raincoat

What I will end up doing:

Dogs on a nice long walk
Messing around in the garden

I need to at least finish sewing my darn rain coat, because this sun won’t last for long!
Now where did I put that sunscreen and bag of cookies?

Project Runway Application Season 9

2011-04-12T07:39:00.000-07:00

Over the past week I have been working to get my Season 9 Project Runway application together and mailed out by TODAY, April 12th. The process has taught me many things, but before I delve into what I have learned, here are the application requirements:

Head shot & full body shot of the designer
3-5 minute video/interview piece that shows your point of view
10 design photographs both hard copy and digital
Pictures of sketches
Pictures of patterns
25 page application

My dad has been making movies lately so he offered to take on the roll as director and editor. The video turned out great. I wanted to have a time lapse piece in the video showing how I work and a good friend and paparazzi guru Brian Tobin helped me set up the camera and lighting. I am super stoked how not only the video turned out but the time lapse piece within the video. The filming for the video took place over 2 short days as well as the time lapse portion.

What I learned from this experience:

Always rent your equipment for 1 day longer than scheduled. You NEVER know what can come up last minute and take precious time.
Always check digital photo file sizes. They may look great on your tiny laptop screen, but when printed out in a 8 x 10 can look like SHTIE!
Double check any file transportation device to make sure your data is on said device. For example: re-insert Tumbdrive, Hard Drive, CD to make sure your files are on them before leaving and driving across town.
After a photo shoot, be on top of getting your images from the photographer or studio. Time slips away fast, and scrambling to get those images 10 months/2 years later can be a hassle for all parties involved.
Once receiving these portfolio photographs, store them in a file labeled "Portfolio" for easy retrieval, and for hecks sake BACK THOSE FILES UP!
Don't be afraid to ask for help, you will be amazed how many people will lend a helping hand.

Well, let's cross our fingers folks. I think I may just have a chance!

Berlin Bag

2011-02-09T11:29:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I have made a handbag. Over 4 years. Yes I have started them. I have thought about them. And that is that.

Needing a carry-all and having no cheddar forced me to make on. Well, that is a bit extreme. I wasn't forced to make one, but my necessity for one, nit-picky ways AND lack of cash made me make one. This bag is a FAR departure from what I made in the past. I enjoyed the process and know what I would do differently in the future.

Will I make them again?

I guess if I was getting paid. So, yes.

Project Runway Challenge #6: You can Totally Wear that Again….today

2010-09-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

12 gore, mermaid style, backless, iridescent baby pink/purple, 87% Rayon, 13% Polyester, strappy Jessica McClintock bridesmaid dress… I don’t even know where to begin.

I have 12 hours, $50 budget and can only by 2 yards of fabric. Can I do it? OH GOLLY I HOPE SO.

Photo Shoot on Friday

2010-09-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am a little swamped. Need to finish the leather cape. Re-hem grey dress to make it shorter! Find two pairs of shoes for the talent. Source jewelry... Perhaps I can buy some time at the local clock shop...

Project Runway Challenge #6: 'You can totally wear that again!'

2010-09-13T14:23:00.000-07:00

The 'something blue' is covered, but I don't think they got the 'something toothfairy' right...

Ahhh the bridesmaid dress, worst feared by friends of future brides, often made of polyester, ill fitting, terrible solid colors and way too expensive… were those brides really your friends to begin with?

Three of these things just don't belong here!

Well, I have never been a bridesmaid; in fact I have only been to 4 weddings, one of which was my own. I didn’t have bridesmaids and those friends that did tie the knot, knew better not to have me in a poly frock standing next to them. So when I saw the Project Runway episode that aired on September 9th, I was already pretty disgusted.

Why do these ladies have their bras on over their dresses?

I have been working in the Alterations business since May and have had my fair share of wedding dress and bridesmaid dress alterations. Most of the time the dresses are made from cheap, plastic looking and feeling fabric, can you even call this crap fabric? Shiny. Rough. GLUED?!?! No, those embellishments aren’t hand sewn on by a couturier in France; they were spray glued on in China! And you paid HOW MUCH FOR THAT?

These Yoga Bridesmaids are ready to do some sun salutations!

Blows my mind and my spirit.

I am very excited to repurpose a dress, a dress that was purchased for a one time only wear. A dress that has sat in someone’s closet for too many years waiting to make it to its next stage in life: a thrift store and then a landfill.

Orange you glad your not a banana?

I will take you on poly-extravaganza and turn you into a Tony-Danza! (Errrr maybe not).

I get the dress Thursday night and start sewing Friday. Are you ready bridesmaids around the world? Are you ready to strike in the name of One-Time-Wear-Landfill dresses?

Ok, it was the 70's but I would rather see a wide lapel white suit!!!

Project Runway Challenge #5: ‘There is an I in Team’ FIN

2010-09-10T11:51:00.000-07:00

Ahh the sweet, sweet steaming iron of success!

I just finished challenge #5, a little under 10 hours spread over the course of 2 days, and I LOVE this dress! Let’s get into the details, shall we?

Challenge #5 was a team challenge, where each team chose a concept and a textile from a list of Fall Trends Tim Gunn provided. I didn’t have the luxury of having team mates (if you can call working in a group of head-strong designers a luxury) nor the $1000 budget, but I did have the help of friends and family that chose my wonderful concept and textile for me!

My parameters were:

½ hour to sketch

$75

12 hours to sew

My Concept: Minimalist
Textile: Metallic & Lace (there was a tie)

I took on the challenge needle and thread strong. I even added to my challenge by trying to use two textiles, since there was a tie between Metallic and Lace.

Going into the sketch I thought about what Minimalism in design means to me. I had visions of 1960’s short, mod dresses, architecture, and the designs of Mary Quant (British designer noted for popularizing hot pants and the mini skirt). The dress would have to look effortless and would need to be sewn impeccably.

Purchasing fabric was easy. I found a delicious wool coating, (wool coatings are thick fabrics that protect the wearer from the cold and damp). Because wool coating is so thick, it drapes nice and stiff over the silhouette and requires minimal seams and darts; for the more fuss in the design of the garment the more bulk you get with such a thick fabric.

Being more inspired by metallic then lace, I found my metallic element quickly. PVC baby! You got it! Poly-vinyl chloride, stamped to look like sequins no less!

Patterning and sewing was a breeze since I had a strong vision to begin with. I was slow and methodical, making sure every seam was stitched and pressed to perfection, seam allowances trimmed down, armhole facings weren’t bulky, and so on.

Although this garment was very time consuming to make, it wasn’t difficult sewing, the only element of construction that gave me a hard time was the PVC. PVC sticks to the presser foot and plate of the sewing machine. Unlike fabric, it doesn’t want to glide under the needle. PVC is also easily marred by pins and so can not be pinned down to the garment before sewing. PVC can’t be ironed, so getting a crisp edge is difficult. PVC is a pain.

I think this dress is Hawt, Hot, Haught, Haute! And is perfect for when you are smuggling chinchillas. The giant 14” single welt pockets are dreamy and deep and the exposed zipper is very utilitarian. Paired with tights and sky high boots or little ankle boots for fall a gal couldn’t go wrong!

When I make this garment again, and I will for it is a must have in my closet for fall 2010, I will need to invest in a Teflon or Roller foot for my machine ($17-$40). This will speed up my PVC sewing, unless I can find a better textile for the effect.

As for the lace? Well, the design couldn’t handle metallic, heather wool, exposed zip AND lace and still be Minimal… so she is packing a hanky in one of her pockets… or wearing a lace thong… or ____________________. (You fill in the blank).

September is National Sewing Month

2010-09-09T11:09:00.000-07:00

Did you know September is National Sewing Month!

The next 4 days I will be celebrating.

YES!

Sketch - Challenge #5

2010-09-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

Minimalist to me is simple, clean lines, lots of structure, no frills, very limited color palate. So I am thinking of Navy, or Grey, or White even with flects of metallic gold...and lace? I don't know how I am going to throw that into the mix, but I am just going to have to make it work!

Exposed zipper is a must.

Really long, exagerated, deep whelt pockets in the front.

I am worried about the metallic in this challenge, because most metallic fabrics you can't iron, and to get a clean, crisp minimalist look I am going to have to figure something out. I have ideas in my head, but won't truely know what avenue I am going to take until I get my fabric! Off to the store!

(And yes, I know she doesn't have arms, and a REALLY long torso....)

Results are in, 25 voters total, this is how they threw their stones:

2010-09-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

Concept:
Minimalist: 10 votes
50’s Retro/Ladylike shapes: 5 votes
Menswear for Women: 9 votes
Military: 1 vote

Textiles/Color Story:
Gold/Metallic: 7 votes
Camel: 0 votes
Leopard/Cheetah Prints: 6 votes
Plaid: 5 votes
Lace: 7 votes

Going into this project I was really excited to have my friends and family act as my team-mates and choose the direction I would style my ‘Fall Trend 2010’ garment after. I truly thought they would be kind, rewind my VHS copy of Cool Runnings, and choose a concept and textile that reflect me as a designer.

Did they? Looking at the voting results, I think NOT!

I love to do vintage inspired 50’s style garments! And Menswear for women! COMEON!! Can’t you just picture a pair of wide leg plaid trousers, blousy, feminine top and smoking hot tight leather vest? I CAN!! And don’t get me started on the Military look!! Who remembers the jacket I designed after my brother returned home from the military where I used one of his name patches? HELLO? Voters, art thou not my friends?

On the upside, the Chico’s voice was squashed and I shall not have to deal in leopard! And what is wrong with Camel? That is probably the biggest trend for fall, which is a bummer because I Good Willed my camel coat years ago, and it was stunning! Oh, and then there is plaid. PLAID!!!! My favorite, most used textile of all time!!! Only 5 votes?? But no, my friends and family want a look that screams ‘Bardello’! Hooker chic with a minimalist twist!

Well good friends, I will take your challenge and turn it up to 11. Oh yes, I am not only going to rock a Minimalist garment, but will use both Gold/Metallic AND Lace. WOA! (I just blew your minds a little.)

½ hour to sketch
$75
12 hours to sew

Thank ya’ll for your help. I will post my sketch before shopping!

Project Runway Challenge #5 ‘There is an ‘I’ in Team’

2010-09-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

In this challenge the designers were teamed up in groups of six and create a cohesive collection that is on trend for fall 2010. Easy? Well working with other head-strong designers is never easy, but another loop was thrown, where each team had to choose a concept and a textile from the “2010 Trend Board.”

Here is how it works; there are 4 concepts the teams were to choose from: Minimalist, 50’s Retro/Ladylike shapes, Menswear for Women and Military. And there were 5 Textiles/Color Story concepts to choose from: Gold/Metallic, Camel, Leopard/Cheetah Prints, Plaid & Lace.

By narrowing down each team’s concept, it allowed the designers to use their own voices in design, but helped keep the collection cohesive… at least that was the goal.

I don’t have the opportunity to pair up with 5 other designers and sewing a collection over the course of the day, nor do I have the $1000 budget for fabric, but I DO have your help! Altering this challenge to fit my parameters I will have $75 and you will choose my Concept and Textile! WEEEEE.

Starting now through Friday at 9am you, my dear, handsome/attractive, smart friend will choose one Concept and one Textile from the 2010 Trend Board and post your choice here on my blog, email it to me or Face book your vote to me. At 9am on Friday, September 3rd, I will tally all the votes and the Concept with the most votes and the Textile with the most votes will be my inspiration to create a garment to go in Fall 2010 line.

Are you up for it?

Let’s GO!

Concept (Choose ONE):

Minimalist

50’s Retro/Ladylike shapes

Menswear for Women

Military

Textiles/Color Story (Choose ONE):

Gold/Metallic

Camel

Leopard/Cheetah Prints

Plaid

Lace

Your time starts NOW!!!

Challenge #4: ‘Hats off to You’ FIN

2010-08-31T01:38:00.000-07:00

A little more than 12 hours later, I am done. How do I feel? Wiped. Good. Wish I had a bigger budget and 2 hours more time. Would I do it again? Yes.

When I started sketching this morning I knew I wanted to create something Tim Burton-esque, dark, brooding but with a hint of whimsy. Oh yes, I typed it, WHIMSY.

I hit the fabric store with $75 and a pretty good idea of the color palate I was going for: acrid green, sallow yellow, moonless sky navy, oil slick green/brown, and dark as my soul black. While I was fabric shopping I picked up some fabric markers to create my own pattern, since all of my fabrics were solid.

I started to tackle the cape first, which was really the only thing I sketched that came out the way I had originally planned, with one exception, I wasn’t able to get any leather. My budget was so small (I believe the Project Runway contestants received $200 on this challenge) I couldn’t afford a medium to heavy weight leather. Instead I had to buy a thin polyester version, which doesn't have the drape or weight I was looking for, but one gets the idea of my design. I cut leaf/feather shapes out of the fabric using an Exacto knife. I was hoping to give a wink and a nod to the feathers in the hat, as well as give some nice movement in the garment, also a wink and a nod to the hat. Wow, I have been winking and nodding all day.

Now on to the dress. Oh wait, in the sketch it was a dress. What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I made a dress and did not like the fit. I knew I wanted the bottom half of the dress to look like a modern 1950’s skirt, with lots of fullness and swing. The dress ended up looked like a sausage that was left on the grill too long and the middle exploded, which I don’t care how smoking your body is, it isn't flattering!

What did I do? I ate the exploded sausage and ripped the dress apart. Since I spent so much time making the print on the bottom portion of the dress, I ba-blammed it into a skirt, complete with horsehair braid to fill out and shape the hemline. I love the print I made, and would rock this skirt, you know why? Because it has pockets!!!

By the time I was done with the re-design I only had an hour left and whipped out this cute little tank. All together I think it is pretty successful, and would wear really well with the ‘Winged Toque’ hat. Picture this outfit with platform shoes, white lacy ankle socks in a wickedly-cool photo shoot… what? You don’t have a good imagination? Well guess what? We are going to make this photo shoot happen for you.

LUCKY YOU!!!

Oh wait… before I forget… was I successful? Did I end up in the bottom 3? Did I sneak by in the middle of the group? Or, gasp, did I win this challenge?

Challenge #4 “Hat’s Off to You”

2010-08-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

The challenge starts now!! These are my parameters:

Sketch for 15 minutes
Shop for ½ hour with a $75 budget
Design a garment using the hat provided as inspiration
12 hours of sewing time

Before I run off and start sketching I want to give a bit of information about my inspiration piece, Pinkham Millinery’s ‘Winged Toque’. A toque is a hat with a very narrow brim, or can be brimless. These types of hats were very popular in France and in Europe throughout the 13th to the 16th century.

(side profile)

Dayna Pinkham, the milliner behind this exquisite piece, found this vintage wing and knew she had to show it off in its full glory. She mounted the wing to the toque using a wire, so the wing doesn’t touch the hat at all, but bobs and sways as the wearer walks, making the hat give the appearance of taking flight.

The wing, thought to be upwards of a 150 years old, has been pieced together using many different types of bird feathers and is a myriad of colors, although my photograph doesn’t do it justice. Blue, teal, black, grey, brown, white, silver, cream, tan, green is just the start of the list. Vintage netting pulls the moody look together, dramatically shadowing the face all the way to the chin.

This hat is dark, brooding, moody, handsome, romantic….Did she place it upon my head? YES!!! Did I want to take it off? NO!

I love hats. I love beautiful things, and this beautiful hat I could only dream of having in my repertoire. For more information on this hat, or any of the other hats in her studio go to www.pinkhammillinery.com

Noon I will start, Midnight the needle stops. Are you in?

One down, 78 to go

2010-08-23T13:06:00.000-07:00

Last night we cut into the first pie of my ‘Retro Pies: A Collection of Celebrated Family Recipes’ challenge. And boy oh boy was it a doozie!

#78: Three-Alarm Chocolate Pie wasn’t hard to make, it just had a lot of steps and took a good 2 hours to complete, which is crazy since there is only 12 minutes of baking. There was multiple whipping steps (egg whites and cream) multiple folding steps (egg whites and cream), stove top time, chilling time, grating chocolate time… and in the end it was a beautiful looking Diner pie. And guess what?!? I didn’t take a picture.

I followed the recipe right down to the amount of semisweet chocolate you grate on the top of the pie, since a part of the challenge is to follow the recipe, which I have a hard time doing in my life recipe!

If I were to make this again, which I am sure will be requested in the future, I would make a few adjustments. More chocolate in the crust, or a crust made of cookies, and I would definitely flavor the whipped cream.

So 12 lucky pie faces answered my post-pie 5 questions, and here is a sample of their answers.

1. What is your favorite pie?
Chocolate, Pumpkin, Banana Cream, Apple x 4, Lemon Meringue, Cherry, Blackberry, Mixed Berry, Sheppard’s

2. Rate the Pie (1 being the lowest, 5 being the highest): 3.99 was the average score.

3. What was the most successful part of the pie?
Texture, Consistency, All about the crust, The filling, Filling as silky as a virgin’s vagina.

4. What was the least successful part of the pie?
Plain crust, Not Sweet enough, Not a fan of the crust, Density: Wanted it more Dense YO!, Whipped Cream, Wished there was more Whipped Cream.

5. Would you eat it again?
Yes x 5, Hells Yes x 2, Fuck Yes x 2, Every Day, Fo Sho & Does Dolly Parton have a bad back?

All in all, pretty successful! Next time I must take a picture.

Manny chooses my next pie…. I wonder what it will be….

PIE & HATS... both for your face!

2010-08-22T11:49:00.000-07:00

In honor of a best gals' birthday, I am baking my first recipe from 'Retro Pies: A Collection of Celebrated Family Recipes' today.

[I blogged about it last month, baking my way through the 79 pies in this book over the course of the rest of the year (and probably beyond), and sharing my experience (and pies if you are lucky)].

I asked her what her favorite pie was, hoping she would choose #11 (Mystic Seaport Clam Pie) or #30 (Deep South Peanut Butter Pie) or even #57 (Virginia REAL Whiskey Apple Pie- she loves to hit the Whiskey!). But alas, she went Berry and Chocolate. I'm not feeling very inspired by baking a berry pie, so I am going CHOCOLATE!!

#78: Three-Alarm Chocolate Pie

The filling includes:
- instant coffee
- eggs
- unsweetened chocolate
- semi sweet chocolate
- sugar
- whipping cream

This is only 6 of the pies 15 ingredients! The author notes: 'this pie is very rich and well worth the work.' YES!!

I will have a little note card for people to fill out if they want to participate in the feedback for my pie cook-off challenge. I think questions will include:

1. What is your favorite pie?
2. 1 being the lowest and 5 being the highest, how would you rate this pie?
3. What was the most successful part of this pie?
4. W hat was the least successful?
5. Would you eat this pie again?

These questions might evolve over time, but for now K.I.S.S. (keep it simple stupid)!
Let me know what pie questions you might have!

NOW, down to the next order of buisness. I NEED A HAT!!!! And not just any ol hat, a fancy, pantsy, daring, elegant hat to base my next Project Runway Challenge after. I will probably sew Wednesday and Thursday... so I will need a hat before then. Any suggestions? Any hats ya'll?

Hats-capade!

2010-08-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

Speed bump!

I just finished watching Project Runway Challenge #4: 'Hats off to you,' and I have run into a snag.

So far the last three challenges I have be able to modify quite easily, but this one is going to take some work. I need a hat, and yes, I can go and buy a hat, but that would take the surprise element out of the challenge.

Who's got a hat stash? A fabulous, wonderful hat stash? If you do, I need your help. If you don't I have these options:

- Go to a Vintage shop and have an owner choose one
-Find a hat shop that will let me take one out on loan

I can't tackle this challenge until tuesday, maybe even wednesday of next week...
Let me know your thoughts!

Project Runway Challenge #3: FIN

2010-08-18T17:22:00.000-07:00

Party Store Challenge: Was it a party?

I think not. I enjoyed getting outside of my comfort zone, but wouldn’t choose to work with these materials unless it was Halloween, because even without trying, it looks like a costume. I also wasn’t too keen on using a glue gun. Glue gun boogers are the pits.

My inspiration was Katy Perry going to a Valentines Day party at Liza Minnelli’s house.

I suppose my inspiration was quite costume-y to begin with, choosing a woman who dresses sexy and slightly outlandish with out being too Lady Gaga, so I shouldn’t beat myself up about the garment looking like a costume, even though Nina Garcia would say it. I can hear her voice now:

‘It is cute and girly… (pause, pause, pause) but it is a little costume-y. However, (pause, pause, pause) the style lines are lovely and very reminiscent of a heart, which goes with your inspiration.’

Would Katy Perry wear it? Hells yes.
Would normal Nancy? No.
Am I happy with the outcome? Hells yes!

Let’s get into the details. For this dress I used balloons, plastic plates, tickets, napkins, streamers and a touch of tablecloth, and by a touch I mean about 12 x 2 inches. I built an interior bustier structure for the bust section out of plastic plates, having them act as boning. What is boning? Boning, which used to be made of bone, hence its name, is now constructed out of plastic or coiled wire. Boning is strategically placed in garments to provide gravity defying structure. Boning is most often found in bustiers and in strapless formal wear to keep the boobies up, but it is not limited to these garments. Many couture designers use it in hems, style lines, sleeves, etc. to create very dramatic lines.

For the outside of the garment I then used the plastic plates again to create very dramatic and modern lines around the bust, filling in the free spaces with peacock-like tickets. The further and further progress I made the more and more the tickets looked like feathers, and aesthetic I really enjoy. For added flare I created a fringed effect on the bottom of the dress with napkins, tablecloth and a touch of streamer for some sparkle.

What I like: the matte tickets, the structured top of the dress, the color palate, the whimsy of it all.

What I don’t care for: the costume aspect of the garment, the lack of something to make it pop, and my (pause, pause, pause) accessory. I said it. I know ya’ll were thinking it.

Part of the challenge was to create an accessory. Did I, yes, don’t you see that magnificent yellow star ring? Is this accessory a cop-out? YES. I waited to the last minute to come up with something. And by last minute, I mean I had 10 minutes left on my count down timer.

Would I be kicked off Project Runway for my garment? I doubt it.
Would I be in the bottom 3 for my lack of effort on an accessory? Possibly.

The real question is, when it comes to dressing, who do you most relate to?
a) Lady Gaga
b) Katy Perry
c) Normal Nancy

And would you wear this dress?

Sorry Ya'll

2010-08-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

You know that saying “When life gives you lemons…” Well, sometimes life hands you lemons and there is no fucking way you have the spirit or energy to make lemonade in a timely fashion and that is what has happened to me.

There are three things that I hate:
1. Death
2. Ugg Boots
3. Heat*

Well this past 4 days has handed me two of the three, and I wish one of them was Ugg boots. The worst of which was the unexpected death of my dear beloved Timmy cat, a sewing companion that I probably have cursed more then praised in the studio. (He had a penchant for getting into my thread)!

Due to the problems above I have been on a time delay that will end tomorrow morning starting at 11am. I will have 5 more hours to finish my Project Runway Challenge #3, and I think I will channel Timmy for this one. He is such a party guy!

So sorry about the wait, fucking life lemons got in the way, and you can never prepare yourself for fucking life lemons. Nuff said.

*And yes, there are more then three things that bug the shit out of me… sample list:
1. Death
2. Heat
3. Ugg boots
4. Flip flops as formal wear
5. Muffin tops
6. Dead fish handshakes
7. Muffin boob tops
8. Scented Candles at a dinner party
9. Mayonnaise
10. Waiting in line

(these are just some of the top few… feel free to add your own).

Project Runway Challenge #3: It’s a Party

2010-08-13T08:07:00.000-07:00

Well, in true Project Runway fashion, I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I am only on my first cup of tea, and don’t really feel like having a party… But as Tim Gunn says, I am going to have to make it work.

This challenge should be a gag once I get down to hooters, streamers, bells and whistles, for it starts at a Party Store. Here are the details of the challenge:

30 minutes to shop at a Party Store
$100 budget ( I will only be spending $75)
Full day to sew
Muslin fabric can be used as a base for the dress
Glue Guns/ Spray Paint/ Staples all OK
Surprise Bonus Challenge ½ way through the day

As soon as I found out it was a Party Store Challenge I knew where I was going to go to get supplies: Lippman Co. Party Store in the SE Portland waterfront area (http://www.lippmancompany.com/). Lippman’s has been around since 1948 and is THE party store of my youth.

(They used to be housed about a ½ of a mile away on Grand when I was growing up, right in that area where they are doing all of that road construction. A former boss of mine got a traffic ticket there, he used ‘Where the old Lippman Co. used to be” as a point of reference to his ticket.)

Lippman Co. opens at 9 so I need to get moving. I grab a cup of joe on the way out, but might not need one, since their staff is so hipster-hot I can get energized just by looking at them! (Am I right people, who was with me there last?)

Once I get home the clock starts. 12 hours. At some point a dear friend needs to drop off a bag of Party crap for me to make an accessory out of to wear with the garment.

Am I starting to get excited: YES!
Am I Miss Teenage Sparkle Party: YES!

Do I have an idea for what kind of party a lady would wear this dress to? YES!
Think “Katy Perry goes to a holiday party at Liza Minnelli’s house” and the holiday is VALENTINE’s DAY!!

Sparkle love bring it on!!

Couple of things...

2010-08-12T10:47:00.000-07:00

First off, I am not wearing any pants. HA pants manufacturers!
Secondly, Minute Rice sucks!

But these two things are not why I am blogging.

With less than 8 hours until my next challenge episode I need to get prepared. I am currently working on a dress to wear to a wedding, as well as a vest and tie for my lover so he doesn’t end up looking like a bum while we slow dance to Sade. I will post photos once the garments are complete. So I need to clean my studio to get prepared.

After every project, what started as a clean, creative space looks like a garbage piñata exploded in my 10 x 12 space… so I need to tidy up before tomorrow.

But this topic isn’t the reason why I am blogging.

My neighbor needs to burn her closet. She just left her house in white denim sausage casings! Friends, if something is a little snug go a size up please! You won’t lose those pesky 5 lbs, but if you go a size up it will look like you did! And ladies, help your friends, let them know if something is too tight, or too slutty, or too mom jeans, they will thank you for it.

That is all dear friends. My PSA for the day.

Ok, so here are some pictures of the dress muslin I am working on. There are two different ways to pattern a garment. There is flat patterning, where a pattern is created by using and modifying a pattern block, called a sloper. Slopers are made using body measurements, such as bust, waist and shoulder measurements.

The other way to create a pattern is to drape one. This requires a dress form (a soft mannequin you can pin into) and fabric, generally muslin, which is inexpensive. By pinning and manipulating the fabric on the dress form, you can create a garment to then pattern. I do both, but really love draping. I feel like the fabric starts speaking to me, and even if I go into the process with a garment in mind, after draping it in muslin, instead of flat patterning, I create something 10 times as good.
I went into this dress thinking about paper airplanes. The dress fabric is really geometric… but you will just have to wait and see. I just hope the details don’t get lost in the fabric…

You’ll just have to wait and see.

We have a PROBLEM

2010-08-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

No need to freak out, but HSN (Home Shopping Network) has a 'Singer Sewing Hour'. Shit. I don't need a new machine... but this one is so cool.... It comes with 18 feet, 13 built in button holes, welt cording foot, sequin foot... $499.... RETAIL over $1000....

I don't need this.

If I am going to get a new machine, it is going to be an industrial or a coverstitch machine.

DAMN you HSN!!

2010-08-06T20:05:00.001-07:00

A little over 10 hours and I am done! Tired. Stiff. Proud. This is how I feel after this challenge, and I know ya’ll have been waiting, so let’s jump into the sewing pool!

This morning I went to pick up a Marie Claire, and realized I have been spelling it wrong. I don’t know if I have really looked at Marie Claire. I get Vogue, Harpers Bazaar and US weekly, so Marie Claire was new to me. I had a half hour to sketch and look over the magazine.

First off, Mary-Kate Olson is on the cover, which threw me for a loop, because she dresses like a crazy person most of the time; a crazy person with one hell of a wardrobe. What she has going on in her style is the same thing Marie Claire has in their magazine, take your 5 favorite pieces and put them on at the same time and voila!!!! You’re ready to hit the town! All of the spreads in the September issue are all about mixing decades, prints, weights, colors, prints, crazy and grandma. I am pretty into it, being a Goodwill shopper myself.

I did some sketching while flipping through the magazine and felt pretty pumped when I hit Fabric Depot with my $75 budget…that was until I realized Fabric Depot had NOTHING on sale. (For those of you that shop there, you know the horror of having to pay 100% retail, when usually all of their stock is between 20%-40% off). I knew I wanted to make a structured vest and an airy dress, mixing and matching styles with a rock-n-roll edge. I had my fabric cut and paid for well before my half hour shopping limit was up, but that is only due to the fact that I know that fabric store like the back of my hand.

HOME. Whipped out the muslin to drape my vest pattern, because I had a strong vision of how I wanted the vest to look. My Mom stopped by and read Marie Claire while I worked for a bit, I love my Mom, but I was glad to see her go, she really slowed me down, which made me think:
“Working with a bunch of designers in the room, chatting, joking, asking for advice must slow them down, not to mention they haven’t worked in the studio before, nor do they know Mood Fabric really well….” I had an advantage.
Vest. Done. BAM! Try that on ladies and gents. It fits perfectly into my vest vision. It has Rock-N-Roll, it has structured tailoring with touches of raw fraying for the ‘I’m not trying too hard’ look. I am really happy with it. But all designers should be really happy with their garments.
Dress time. Shit. What did I pick out? The vest was made from wool (one of my favorite textiles to work with, which is renewable), and the fabric I got for my dress was also environmentally friendly: Bamboo knit and Lyocell (also called Tencel). Both fabrics feel like butter and drape really nicely, which is what I wanted for my ‘light and airy no fuss’ dress.
But I was stuck. My energy was drained. My mind hit a brick wall and I stared at my dress form for at least an hour, draping the fabric this way, then doing it that way, making tea, letting the dogs out, finding new music to get my flow back… but…. Stuck. DAMN!

Here is the dress. Easy. Light and carefree. But DAMN! I wish I had gone army green and tangerine not baby mauve pink and tangerine. I think the dress would look much less sweet and more dirty Mary-Kate if it were army green and tangerine… but oh well… you only get a half hour for shopping, so if this is my only qualm, I am pretty happy about the outcome.
The challenge was to make an outfit for the Marie Claire woman, whom they describe as: Intelligent, Practical, Fashion Forward and Sexy. You be the judge. Did I tackle this Challenge, or would I end up in the bottom three?

Project Runway Challenge #2: Larger than Life

2010-08-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

Just finished watching Episode #2 (go Portland, by the way), and am geared up for tomorrow's challenge.

Here are the parameters:

Design a outfit for the Marie Clare Woman: Intelligent, Practical, Fashion Forward & Sexy
30 minutes to sketch
$150 fabric budget
30 minutes to shop
Full day of sewing time

I am changing things a bit to fit my world. I will do all of the above, changing the budget to $75 (we are broke ya'll) and confining my "One day of sewing time" to 12 hours, since they really don't tell you how long a "One Day" time limit really is.

On the episode they got up at 6am, there is filming time, finding out about the challenge, getting to the shopping site, etc... I bet they start at noon sewing and I know they finish at midnight. So tomorrow morning I shall awake, hit up the store for a Marie Clare, go home and sketch for 1/2 hour, hit up fabric depot at 9 when they open and then work from 10am till 10pm.

Wish me luck ya'll!

Pie, for your face!

2010-08-05T18:15:00.000-07:00

I know I don't have time for another challenge, but I think I can slowly make my way through this one.

A couple of years ago my friend Carrie got me the book 'Retro Pies: A Collection of Celebrated Family recipes' by Linda Everett. Carrie knows that baking has never been my strong suit, except when it comes to pies, and although I bake about 5-6 pies a year, I have never baked a pie from this book. Well that is about to change!

I harvested apples from my tree today, and pulled out the book for some inspiration, but none of the apple pies look as good as my old standby, but what really caught my eye were the savory pies!

Mystic Seaport Clam Pie (Connecticut)
Oysterville's Pride (Oysterville, Washington)
Steak and Kidney Pie
Alaskan Tundra Partridge Pie
Wintery Favorite Onion Pie
Colonial Chicken Pie
Old Arkansas Boiled Egg Pie
Creole Pork Pie
Southwest Tamale Pie

And then there are the crazy desert pies:

Green Tomato Pie (No, really this calls for 1 1/2 cups sugar)
Heartland Butterscotch Pie
Three-Alarm Chocolate Pie
Grange Apple-Custard Pie
Pineapple Cream Pie
Webster County Vinegar Pie
Deep South Peanut Butter Pie

These are just a few that look amazing AND WIERD!!!

So I am going to cook them all. Even the really strange ones and envite my friends and family over to eat them, rate them and have some good ol family fun!

Who's in?

Air it OUT

2010-08-01T13:01:00.001-07:00

I love being able to connect to friends and family through blogging, facebook and my website… HOWEVER, going through all the hoops, bells and internet service problems DRIVES ME CRAZY!

Having to resize photos, fill out numerous tabs and tables, only to have them erase!!! ARGH. I have flashbacks of term-papers being erased, or dropping a perfect pie, or…

That’s all.

Challenge #1: FIN

2010-07-31T17:32:00.000-07:00

And so it is done.
5 hours, 1 shirt and a ½ hour of sewing time.

I feel pretty good about it.
I think my biggest challenge was the lack of fabric I have at home to incorporate into the garment, so I only used the fabric that the shirt had to give, plus a small bias strip for the cute little ruffle.

All in all, I think I was successful, and I had a good time too.

I never felt pressed for time, only pressed for fabric. I used almost all of Manny’s old shirt, with a few small strips left over.

Sketching didn’t provide for much help either, for I was limited to what I had. The creative juices really got going once I started to hack up his dress shirt. I started by seam ripping out the collar, followed by the sleeves. Then I cut the shirt into the dark pattern striped strips and the lighter color.

By sewing these strips together I was able to create a whole new look and pattern for the fabric.

Fun!
Alright Project Runway, bring it ON!

Challenge One: 'And Sew it Begins'

2010-07-31T11:48:00.000-07:00

The first challenge contestants were told they weren’t on the show yet, and that they had one final step in the interview process before they could move in to their sleeping quarters. They were to open their suitcases, grab one garment to incorporate into their next challenge. Things got really interesting when they had to hand that garment to the person on their right! YIKES!!! ½ hour of sketching time and 5 hours of sewing time, this is the shortest challenge Project Runway has served up to date, which will be a nice beginner challenge for me.

To modify this project to fit into my Home-Studio-Project-Runway challenge, I had my husband Manny grab a garment of his and put it into a paper bag, as seen here.

I will open the bag, inspect the garment, take 30 minutes to sketch and then 5 hours to sew. I will not stop the timer for pee breaks or lunch, it will continue to run until it chimes at the 5 hour mark, in which time I will stop sewing.

Ok.

I am going to open the bag… I hope it isn’t dirty underwear… or worse yet, something of mine!

Hmmm.
Kenneth Cole men’s dress shirt, complete with stain! I think I can handle this one.

Let the games begin!

Project Runway Challenge

2010-07-31T09:45:00.000-07:00

I had an epiphany last night while watching the season premier of Project Runway: I can do this! As Tim Gunn was introducing the contestants, giving a little bio behind their design skills, I realized “my clothes are just as great” and in some instances “better” then some of the current contestants. I also realized how far my design skills have come in the past 4 years when I last tried out for Project Runway.

“I can do this.”

“I could totally do this.”

But I have to try out to be able to win the darn thing, so until next spring I will be taking the Project Runway Challenge, as a sort of way to train in sewing combat, boot camp style.

What is the Project Runway Challenge?

I will be taking each weeks challenge on at home, in my studio, following the shows guidelines to the best of my ability. Mind you, there are bound to be some challenges that won’t be easy to replicate, but I shall try my best. At the end of the season I too will create a scaled back line, if I make it that far!

The goal is to challenge myself and my creativity, sell each weeks garment on my website, and have the proceeds go towards my favorite animal shelter Family Dogs New Life.

I hope you join me. The challenge starts today!

The Mother Fucking Lion King

2007-08-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

I had planned on writing about some wonderful progress in my sewing life, I got a new sewing machine, my serger was fixed, and I just finished a beautiful coat for Operation Clothe Margie. That was what I was going to write about, until death and destruction hit.**

Every morning I wake up and take Velcro and Timmy outside. Before hitting the back door I glance out the mudroom window at my beautiful pond, grab the fish food and while Velcro does her morning ritual, I feed the fish. Today was no different. I bounded out of bed, very excited to start my day and before grabbing the koi pellets took my initial glance outside.

FUCK!

I jump through the door and before I can even take a close up look at what used to be my pond I am greeted by several bunches of grapes on the patio. What the hell went on here whilst I was sleeping? (I am currently reading Wuthering Heights). I turn the corner, stepping over the fallen bunches and am hit full on with my worst gardening nightmare.

FUCK!

Plants were EVERYWHERE! The pond was strewn with debris! The water itself looked like a bubbling vat of spa mud. Falling to my knees I wished for the best and started fishing out, no pun intended, my fallen plants, hoping to find some signs of life…

At this point tears are rolling down my face. I am trying hard not to look around me and just to focus on the pond, but it is so hard not to just drop my head into my lap and cry. Most of the plants were ruined. One was thrown, or dragged all the way to the shed. Our beautiful expensive lily had all of its pads shredded, or pulled out from the underwater planter. Several loose slate slabs that had previously flanked the pond, were now like sunken treasure at the bottom of the murky mess.

Please let my fish be okay. Please let my fish be okay. Please left my fish be okay.

I had scooped every bit of plant life left in the pond out. Alas. Nothing. Oh, but wait. Was that a flash of orange? Handsome Rob?

I get up from my praying stance and begin to assess the damage. Not far from my vantage point shiny flashes of scales, much like confetti dot the yard. I follow these trails, noting their color. That must be Ira. Oh, and here are Marie’s. Apparently when Raccoons go to the fish market, they like to take their purchases out of the store before they eat them.

Fins. Entrails. Scales. That is all that is left.

I am just devastated. Manny offers to come home and help clean up the mess. I can handle it on my own. The water is so murky, I have a hard time finding plants, most of which when I do find are torn to shreds. The pump has been disconnected. My rose bush has been trampled on. Several roses are crushed, or broken. Grape bunches have been pulled down. Apparently someone was going all out last night. Candle lit meal. A splash in the pool. Roses. Grapes.

I am a mess. And it only gets worse. I have salvaged what plants might make it, repotting what I can and I hear a cry I have only heard once before. Whipping my head around, Timmy is slinking off towards the bushes with what appears to be wet leaves in his mouth… no, but wait. Several birds are crying in distress above him, following his every move!

FUCK!

Covered in mucky pond, wet from head to toe I am chasing Timmy around the yard, baby bird in his mouth. Am I on a fucking African Safari? He doesn’t know what to do. This is his first bird. Please let it live!! By the time I catch him and when he finally drops it, I get a close up view of the young starling. It still had its downy feathers. White and grey and soft.

So there you have it. Mother Fucking Lion King. Circle of life. Fucking predator vs. prey. I buried the starling under the rosemary, choked out a little speech of “now you can give life again, becoming part of the soil.” I cleaned up the mess. The pump is re-attached. Plants back. I hope Handsome Rob did survive. I’ll never spend money on expensive Koi again, even if it is my birthday. I refilled the bird feeder. And just a moment ago I peered out the mud room window, hoping to catch a flash of orange, and a beautiful bird was bathing in the spout of the pond.

Nature has returned. I only wish my sanctuary would too.

**Side note, I just peered out my office window and caught a glimpse of my back fence neighbor without his shirt on…ewe. There are two kinds of men out there, the ones that take their shirts off, and the ones that don’t. I prefer the latter.

SERGING-on

2007-08-08T18:33:00.001-07:00

My evil twin was in town last week, Madge. Some might call us doppelgangers, others, sisters separated at birth, but today I shall call her my evil twin. I don’t get to see her very often, but the few times a year she graces my homestead, we have a grand-ol-time.

This visit, as like many, she prodded me to make some clothes for her. And unlike other visits, money changed hands and I started sewing. The commissioned series I will call “Summer Fashion Madge 2007”. Summer Fashion Madge 2007 will consist of four pieces. A coat, a jacket, a fancy blouse with bow and a handy knit pullover (wrinkle resistant, of course).

Now, for those who know me, I sew many of my own clothes, which is easy, because I know my shape and size and I can just start cutting. When it come to other figures, and figures come in many shapes and sizes, it becomes a bit more difficult, so sewing from a pattern comes in handy, as patterns have already solved the fitting crisis for me. I have become savvy enough throughout my sewing life to figure out how to alter patterns to work for my taste, and so the last three pieces I am making for Summer Fashion Madge 2007 I am going to work from a pattern. However, the first I am not.

Two or three years ago I created a jacket inspired by my brothers six years serving in the US Army. When he returned from his fourth tour overseas he gave me one of his name tags, I set it aside and used it as the jumping off point for the jacket below.

Madge, whose family has strong military ties, immediately pushed me to make her a similar version. And so, the first piece for Summer Fashion Madge 2007 was an easy decision. Not having a pattern makes it a bit more difficult to re-create, but I think I can get close. I have a dress-form, which makes sizing a bit easier, and a few hours before her plane left I was able to get her into my studio for a quick fitting.

Thus is the progress so far:

Unfortunately, as I was rocking out to the new Interpol yesterday and serging the inside sleeve to remove excess fabric and create a smoother line my serger plum stopped working. Did it not enjoy this indie New York foursome? I don’t get it. So I was making great headway… and BLAM, a wrench was thrown in the works. I am hoping it will be an inexpensive fix, cuz I am itching to continue!!!

So until it is up an running again I shall make some more flower arrangements (look how much this one rocks!!!!) You should smell it too. Chocolate cosmos, pungent roses, bright California poppies and fuchsia… who could go wrong???

Does anyone know of a cheap deal on a serger?

DAMN, It Feels Good to be a Gangsta!

2007-07-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

Who am I talking about? Killah. The Killah herself.

Let me explain. Last week was a tough week to be rollin’ in the yard. It was knee deep in thugs, ya know what I am sayin’? And Killah was the biggest threat of all!

She has been on house arrest ever since we brought her home from the reform school, aka, the Humane Society. We had just removed her ankle monitoring device a few years back, since she showed remorse and kept a low profile around the crib. That was until last week.

See, I was maxin’ out, relaxin’ by the pond with all my homies: Big Tim, V-to-the-ELCRO, Madam Marie, Left Eye, Handsome Rob and Iz-Ira when I felt like Killah could handle the responsibility of chillin’ with us all.

The moment she stepped into the hood I should have know she was gunna be trouble. She came out the back door all guns a blazin’ with her bling hangin’ low and a gat in tow. Scanning the perimeter, she walked back and forth against the fence, casing the joint. Then she started talkin’ mad shit with some of the neighborhood birdies.

“Don’t you be lookin’ at me, bird brain! I said, DON’T YOU BE LOOKIN’ AT ME!”

Moments went by and then another outburst.

“DON’T YOU LOOK AT ME TWEETY. I AM COLD GUNNA COCK YER ASS, MOTHER-F-ER!”

And then it went down. BLAM BLAM BLAM. She pulled out her gat and straight up busted a bird. The whole neighborhood ran for cover, Big Tim, V-to-the-ELCRO (she didn’t need to have another thing added to her record) and Killah just watched, feathers still hanging from her mouth.

Not but 20 minutes went by before there was a death in the yard.

When the head hancho got home I made him bury it. Then we went out and erected a monument in honor of the dead birdie, even going as far as pouring some seed on the ground for the birdie that wasn’t around.

Needless to say, Killah is on house arrest again. Peace has been restored to the Hood.

Sew nice to see you today, Handsome Rob!

2007-07-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

Good Day Bitches!

This week has been exceptional for me. I have the old spirit back and a pep in my step, and I think it was my birthday that inspired it. I know, birthdays aren’t supposed to inspire, but depress, and this year it didn’t!

It started with a dinner with me Ma and Pa, chicken wings of course. Ma slid a card over to me with a crisp hundo. Lucci baby! I knew right away what I was going to spend it on. Last summer I sewed a dress for k simon. Let me tell you, I have learned a lot from that experience, mainly to never sew for free. Sorry k simon, but I have grown quite a bit since then, and that free-bee was the last. I love you babe, but that endeavor was way beyond the call of friendship duty.

It was the hardest thing I have ever sewn. Over 30 pattern pieces, some of which need to be cut over 4 times. Two zippers, boning, two linings, horsehair braid, silk, topstitching… the list continues, but it was the most beautiful dress I have ever made, and k simon looked AMAZING in it.

So it was an easy decision to spend my cash monies on fabric to make that dress again, this time for myself. I wanted to give it a rock vibe, so I chose a striped silk and cut it at an angle to really rock it out. I still have the corset to do and the hemline, but so far…

Another birthday push to inspire was my new best friend, Connie’s, Bastille day party. It was a Sunday lunch to shame all other lunches previous to. All of my favorite things, and I am not talking about brown paper packages tied up with string, I am talking Pink Cremant de Alsace, antique crystal champagne glasses, gougeres, unpasturized French cheese, PATE-mother-f-ers, escargot, salad nicoise… the list just goes on!

Because of Connie, I am blogging today, as well as doing some serious cooking. Check out the shittiest plum tart:

It is wrong in so many ways. The crust is hard as a rock… I won’t even begin to list all of its faults.
But besides sewing and cooking I have been spending a lot of time in the garden, watching my presents from Frank-n-beanie. Aren’t they beautiful?I also have been making beautiful arangements from flowers in my garden... check out this mornings... I love pink and red!
Alright bitches, go back to what you were doing, my blog time here is done!

SEW as I was saying...

2007-03-08T08:59:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile. Hiatus. Emotionally drained perhaps. Creatively bound.

But the bitch is BACK! And don’t you know it; I have a good story to tell.

I sew. I print. I write. I scream. I paint. I draw. And at the moment I SEW. My creative outlet changes every six months or so, when I burn out, I switch. When I hit a wall, I take up a pen, when the ink runs dry, a brush, and if I sit too long not spending time creating, I short circuit. Two years ago my energy was fried, my spark plugs acting more like flaccid, Travolta hair plugs, I was feeding myself negative thoughts and spending more time in my pajamas. Muy Esposo picked me up and bought me a plane ticket out to see a friend. That vacation rejuvenated my spark and I got back on the production train.

But I digress, this post isn’t about a meltdown, it is about a motivator. To be creative, I have found, I have to motivate with inspiration. I know this sounds cheesy, a jesus post card, a poster slogan with cats hanging from a tree: “Motivate with Inspiration,” or perhaps even a feminine hygiene product, but this is my new slogan.

I was feeling a bit stuck with my sewing and needed some Inspiration, a class or a new tool, or some great fabric. Well I got all three. The local fabric store had flyers about the “2007 Sewing & Stitchery Expo” in Puyallup, Washington. I nabbed my only other sewing friend, RED, who is quite talented, and talked her into taking the charter bus that left from said fabric store at 6:30 in the morning on an adventure to Puyallup.

At first it was only going to be a shit giggling trek, the two of us on a bus with a bunch of Blue Hairs talking thread and quilt patterns and singing hymns, but the more research I did on this EXPO the more excited I became. “Over 200+ exhibitors, 60+ seminars daily, hands on demonstrations, famous people….” Yeah. And when I began to look into the seminars, I was thrilled that they actually had some classes that would be interesting and thought provoking, and WORTH ATTENDING!

Descending from the Charter bus stairs into the crisp, cool air was our first dose of reality. It was a sea of extras from the movie Cocoon. Standing in line to buy our entrance tickets we overhear two Blues (what is what I will be calling old ladies from here on out) ranting about the lack of senior discount:

“Do they have a Senior Discount,” croaks Rose.

“No. What they should have is a Youth Discount!” replies Blanch.

“Oh yes, look around!” Rose chuckles.

The sea of Blues giggle in a golf clap kind of fashion.

Red and I roll our eyes, cough up the $10 to get in and BAM, the EXPO has begun!

After EXPO, Red and I went over our experience, breaking down the pros and cons into added or decreased enthusiasm percentages. Such as, when we first climbed down from the Charter we were at 50% enthusiasm. 50% being: Alright, we are here, it isn’t raining; the ladies are funny, so far so good. Entering the first building, percentage points began to wane… Was this place built in the 1850’s? Is every thing focused on quilting? Is there only 50 booths? No one is handing out schwag? We were now at 25%!

Red and I found a place to check our bags/coats (30%), asked for some help (35%), found out where to sign up for seminars (40%), found and entire other building that didn’t feel like a church basement due to it’s bright, airy, brand spanking new construction (50%) and signed up for the seminar we were both the most enthused to see “Couture Denim” (60%)!

The “Couture Denim” class ROCKED ASS! The presenter was hilarious, spunky, wasn’t showing you how to make mom jeans, went through the process STEP by STEP, even pointing out brand of thread and which booth you could pick it up in… We were glowing when we left, ready for the next seminar! (100%)!

“30 minute Serger Tops” however, didn’t rock ass. This seminar was held in a hot tent that smelled like burning plastic. (90%). The sea of Blues, probably over 100, looked like a gang under the light. The seminar speaker was the gang’s leader. And the only way Red and I could fight back was with High School trouble maker mentality. We giggled. Passed notes. Drew pictures. Giggled some more. Although it was fun being ass holes, not worth the time, nor the $5 fee. (75%).

Luckily the seminar went fast, and we were free to shop. And that we did. Buying cutting mats, a rotary cutter, patterns, marking chalk, tote bags, doo dads, and the greatest thing about it was how helpful everyone was (85%). When you go into a fabric store, you can get OVERWHELMED with the selection of tools and supplies. Here, people gave the answer of why this works the best with this. Why this mat is superior. Which thread. What scissors. And even though we were the only young lasses there, they didn’t treat us like punks! Even though I was wearing a ½ naked cowboy shirt!

We left tired. Most of the spending money spent. Bags full. Energy drained. And Inspired. (125%)! Will we go next year? HELL YES! Will we ride the charter bus? HELL to the NO! Will we stay the night and do two days? HELL YES. Will we attend more seminars? HELL TO THE YES! Will we seek out Couture Denim lady and force her to have drinks with us? HELL TO THE HELL YES!

Sew there you go. Geek am I, yes.

We are Family

2006-10-31T10:32:00.000-08:00

Velcro, La Fonda and Timmy!

I found this old record, and was going to blog about it a bit ago and decided to post it today. Enjoy the sounds of the 70's ladies and gents, this group is going to be BIG!

What a day for a day dream!

2006-06-04T22:37:00.000-07:00

Dreamin bout my bundles of joy...

So this Saturday we went for a bite of nature. Oh how lovely it twas. Wacky, Chaz and I went up to the Hoyt Tree beauty place and took in a bit of air. Doesn't Chaz look divine?!? And Wacky, she just sparkles....
And get a gander at the most fabulous tree around! This was dubed the Elephant tree, because it looked and felt like an elephant... or what we thought an elepant would feel like.

I only wished I was a senior, and this could be my senior class photo...

IT IS BACK!

2006-05-27T16:47:00.000-07:00

We just got a phone call from the police saying they recovered our CAR! The Steve is accounted for.

I guess the fuckers were riding around on 97th and Sandy. The cops ran the plates, made the arrests and towed our precious Steve to 143rd & Sandy.

We are going to pick it up at 6:30. Here is hoping that the inside looks okey!

YEAH.

I HATE YOU AND ALL OF YOUR UGULY ASS FACES

2006-05-26T23:47:00.000-07:00

you know who you are.

you car theifs.

you fuckers.

who could steal the STEVE?

only fuckers.

i hate all of you uguly ass faces.

this is all we had. and now it is gone.

for all of our friends that have known, and loved the STEVE,

"SEND BAD MOJO to all theives!"

ANTM is over

2006-05-23T18:31:00.000-07:00

Because tomorrow is hump day, and I love me a good hump day, here is a picture to make you happy! Half of the week is over. YEAH!

Baggin' It

2006-05-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

I have spent the past several weeks thinking about my creative future. It has been a full year since I started my bag business, and as much fun as it has been, I am ready to throw in the towel.

WHAT? You’re never going to make another bag?

NO. I just don’t want to focus on them anymore. I am tired of straps and pockets and linings. Bags just aren’t my bag. Never were. They were just a quick way to accessorize a dull wardrobe. And that is how it all began.

For those of you who don’t know the tale on how I stared sewing, and bagging, here you go:

It was 1998 and I was living in Chicago, off the Blue Line California stop with my boyfriend Putz. No, wait. I know I usually give aliases to protect the identities of those I write about, but I’m not even going to do that for Putz, oh yeah, his name is Greg Thorpe. Of the Cincinnati Thorpe’s. Anyhow, it was Christmas time, and instead of getting a traditional tree, I had to have a Christmas Ficus. But instead of calling it a Christmas Ficus, I would say it real fast so it sounded more like Christmas FUCK-A. Those were the days.

Under the FUCK-A that year, my mother got me a sewing machine. Actually she got me a phone call, of which I took my name down to the local Sears and picked up my machine, and THEN I placed it under the FUCK-A. (This is a beautiful option for buying gifts for loved ones who are far away. I just walked into Sears and they gave me my machine. Wham. Bam. Thank you MOM).

Growing up, my mom always sewed. Every pre-teen Halloween costume. (She won’t let me live down the bunny costume of 83. She claims she was snorting foux Peter Cottontail for weeks. I ended up wearing the damn thing till it was more like bunny-knickers). Every special occasion dress, from prom to my stint with pageantry, she sewed. I designed. She sewed.

I never watched her during these sewing bouts. I just picked out the fabric and pattern and that was it. Occasionally, when I wasn’t screaming at her, I helped cut out the pattern and help pin, which to this day is still her least favorite part of sewing. But I never actually sewed. So when I brought my Sears machine home and took it out of its microwave sized box, I had no idea of what to do.

Greg “the putz” Thorpe and I didn’t have any furniture for me to set up my machine on. We had a kitchen table, but no chairs. We had a couch, but no coffee table. We had a desk, but that was for Putzie’s computer, not, gasp, for a sewing machine! I set up on the floor, brought out some old items of clothing, cut them up with kitchen shears and tried to make a straight line.

Fast forward to fall of 1999.

The Putz and I were through. I moved into a fancy pants garden apartment with my gal “Ford Model”. We had less furniture combined than I did with Putzie. I did, however, have a kitchen table. Once we bought chairs, we were set! As for a couch, each of us being couch potatoes, I had to come up with something QUICK! I went down to the local Salvation Army and purchased a dozen old couch cushions and a dozen vintage sheets in solid colors of blue & green. I ran home and began a frenzy of sewing, recovering all of the old cushions in a retro, lets-lounge-on-the-floor-pillow, style.

It was my first big project. They worked out great, if you don’t mind the lack of lumbar support. And by the time I was done with the project, I had my straight lines down. What does this have to do with handbags, you say? Well, this is the back drop for the story that begins now.

Ford Model and I weren’t very responsible with our money. Instead of buying furniture, we would spend evenings having lavish $400 meals. Instead of buying new shoes, cuz I think I might have a hole in mine, we would go and have a lavish $400 meal. Instead of paying rent on time, we would go have… you get the idea. We were food whores. Working in an upscale food establishment that pimped out fine dining on a daily basis, it is all we wanted when we were done with our shift. We wanted to pimp some food y’all.

With this food debauchery came the booze debauchery. Campari and soda to start, or Pimms and a cucumber. Champagne while we waited for the table. A bottle of wine with dinner, or two. An after dinner drink, perhaps Gran Marnier or a fine port? This is how we rolled, in our holy shoes and tattered clothes. But one night I had had enough. Too much. And on the cab ride home, I had only one place to put it.

I barfed in my handbag.

I upchucked in my purse.

I ralphed in my clutch.

Pick your favorite. That is what I did. And the next morning, after cleaning off all of my ID’s and bank cards and what not, I was faced with a dilemma. What am I going to put all of this shit in?

And that is how it started. I sat down and sewed my first bag. I used some of the left over sheets and the lining was made out of a vintage shower curtain, incase I had to wipe it out. OH YEA, I was thinking! It was fast, it was easy, and I got so many complements on it. Now before heading out to lavish meals I would sew up two hand bags, one for Ford Model and one for myself. It was an easy way to spruce up our dated duds.

I began to scavenge resale shops and vintage stores for fabric. A local hair salon started to sell them, and I began to bring in money for them. A local paper wanted to write an article about me. ALL BECAUSE I VOMITED IN MY POCKETBOOK! Not very glamorous, I know.

Now when I sew bags it isn’t the exciting “oooh I am going to spruce up a wardrobe,” it is “oh shit I have got to get this out on time.” I started to create something a bit more rock and roll and my clients didn’t like the new style. I wasn’t able to grow with my creativity, and things got pretty stagnant. It has been about two months since I have sewn my last handbag. I have a few lined up for friends, but I am just not feeling it anymore.

I have moved on to clothes. They are exciting in that “oooh I am going to spruce up a wardrobe,” which is what I always enjoyed the most. Am I going to take it to the retail level? I doubt it. Friends and family. I will start there. Just like I did with Ford Model oh so many years ago.

Another one bites the Dust

2006-05-17T17:32:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the season finale of ANTM. As cycle six comes to a close I would like to thank all of the contestants for entertaining me. I know it must have been tough filming for all of those weeks, hanging out with Tyra and getting makeovers. I hope all of you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed watching your skinny asses.

Here are the three “models” that are left. Flopsey, Mopsey and Cottentail.

BABES in Toyland

2006-05-16T15:31:00.000-07:00

This here blog is dedicated to one of the babiest babes around, Union Jackie. “Why dedicate this to miss Union Jackie?” Well because this past weekend Union Jackie announced that she just jumped on the HOT MAMA bus, destination BabyVille! YEAH.

So let us tip our hats and clink our glasses to Union Jackie and her husband DeWalt.

I have compiled a list of all that is wonderful to come!

Booties.

Pimp new rides.

Fine French Undergarments.

More nipples than you can shake a stick at.

Poo Poo platters

And, of course The best sitters in town!

Around the World in 80 minutes...

2006-05-09T17:48:00.000-07:00

…..And perhaps 80 additional minutes.

Chaz had some business to do on Sunday around town. I decided I would keep him company on his journey. What was supposed to be a two stop, 15 minutes each location, 30 minute total working trip, ended up a passport of culinary bliss.

Our first stop took place during the witching hour, somewhere between breakfast and lunch. Chaz was rumbling for something dim-sum-ish and we hadn’t yet ventured into Beaverton’s one-stop Asian superstore, Uwajimaya. http://www.uwajimaya.com/index.html So we decided to check it out.

We did what we always do when we step into an Asian grocery store, we looked for Chaz’s grape drink.* I didn’t think it actually existed until Sunday when we found the elusive drink, in a box of twelve, for $8 and some change. Besides the Korean grape drink, Chaz scored himself a steamed pork bun. I walked away with some tasty Japanese candy and some shrimp chips, (which I am wishing I bought several bags of right now, cuz I could really go for some). We paid for our loot, stamped our passports: Korea, Japan, and China and headed to our next destination.

“All aboard, train heading Southwest; get your sombrero on to block the rays of the jalapeno sun!”

The next stop was a 30 + tasting of salsas. From Pico de Gallo to roasted tomatillo, I have never tasted so many salsas in one place. There were jarred varieties and freshly prepared. Green, red, fire roasted, mango, pineapple, olive, black bean, mild, medium and hot… “Ole” you say? Although we didn’t purchase any we added another notch to our world tour belt and moved on…..

Right across the street. Yup, right across from the Salsa fest 2006 was a porthole to the Russian motherland. Pyccku Magazine. (Russian market). We were greeted with a warm, round-faced, glowing smile.

“May I hcelp ewe?”

“Chaz would you like to get some cabbage rolls?” A nod and perusal of the pickled fish, exotic jams and tea, we were leaving with two home-made cabbage rolls, just like my babushka used to make! I gave her a big thanks in Russian. She asked if I was Russian and I replied, in Russian by the way, that my great grandmother and grandfather were. She gave me a knowing look and said “Ewe are Ukrainian, no?” “DA.” How did she know that?

Passports full, exotic food dazed we contemplated where to head for lunch. Each of us was craving a bubble tea, a regular hamburger wouldn’t do after such a world-wind of an afternoon.

“How about FuBon Super Center? We can check to see if the bubble tea shop is open and get some Vietnamese food.”

And there you have it. One afternoon took us all the way around the world, and we didn’t even have to leave the state! I love Portland. I love that it is a small town and yet so damn diverse. Who wants to take a trip with me this weekend?

*Chaz used to live in New York. He has two stories he tells about New York. One of the stories is about a vegetarian duck dish he had ALL THE TIME at a restaurant called Planet Thailand. The other story is about a Korean grape drink he always drank with one of his roommates, who was Korean. The grape drink had actual grapes in it. Every time Chaz and I hit an Asian grocery store, WE WOULD LOOK FOR THIS MYSTICAL DRINK.

30 Shrimp is BACK, at OL' LOBSTER

2006-05-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

It is that time of year again, you know the one. Where we could load up on 30 shrimp for the mere price of $11.99.* Chaz and I couldn’t hold out any longer. On Friday night, in celebration of “the Steve” passing DEQ and getting registered, we went on a date. A date we had never been on before. WE WENT TO OLD LOBSTER!

A week prior to our date we started to see copious amounts of advertising by the Lobster Company on it’s “30 Shrimp Special.” For $11.99* one not only received endless cheesy biscuits, a salad WITH croutons AND choice of dressing, a favorite Lobster side choice (rice pilaf, baked potato, French fries, or seasonal vegetable), but also was able to choose TWO preparations for the 30 shrimp. Choices included the always succulent hand battered and fried shrimp, the garlicky goodness found in the Shrimp Scampi, the ever delectable popcorn shrimp, “could it possibly get any better” shrimp alfredo AND a new choice to the scene, Cajun Shrimp. OH THE CHOICES.

Chaz and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to dine in such splendor at such a meager cost. Hook, Line and Sinker, we were headed to the OL’ LOBSTER!

As it turns out, there isn’t an OL’ LOBSTER located in the city of Portland, so we had to travel to the outskirts to reach the shrimpy-good-times location. Crossing the boarder into Washington we knew we were headed for a treat! We turned the “Steve” into a mall parking lot and there it was, a grey, oceanic building of bliss.

Entering into the OL’ LOBSTER was just as exciting. Tanks full of lobsters the size of my hand, paintings of sea voyages of the past, nautical gadgets to blow your mind. It was like being in food aquarium. We placed our name with the hostess, who looked ever so knowledgeable about seafood, and sat next to ONE of the lobster tanks with our blinking coaster. (Apparently, when there are long waits to be seated, guests are handed blinking coasters that buzz and blink when their table is ready.) The two other couples eyed us nervously, hoping their coaster would blink first. It was a race to the shrimp line, I could just feel it!

Our coaster went off and we were lead through a maze of dining rooms, each packed with tables, anchors and diners. We were lead to a comfy booth and handed four menus. Levi our server led us through a whirlwind of choices. Opening the first menu and showing us the specials he tempted our taste buds with all of the succulent choices. Chaz asked Levi his opinion between two different appetizers, the Ultimate Fondue or the Artichoke crab dip. Turns out, LEVI can’t eat shellfish. Now how the fuck does that happen? You don’t see Drylids working at a Peanut Factory, or Britney giving haircuts at the local Cattery do you?

We opted for the Ultimate.

Chaz’s order: 30 Shrimp Special. Salad with blue cheese. Rice Pilaf. Hand breaded Shrimp. Shrimp Scampi.
My Order: 30 Shrimp Special. Salad with ranch. Seasonal vegetables. Shrimp Alfrado. Cajun Shrimp.

The first to be dropped were the cheesy biscuits. UNBELIEVIBLE. The best damn biscuit ever created. Salty, buttery, cheesy, light and airy and HOT HOT HOT. I had to restrain myself from eating all four they loaded into our endless basket.

Second to hit the table: ULTIMATE FONDUE. A HOT HOT HOT, cheesy, shrimpy, lobstery, crabby dip served in a bread bowl. Calling out to all those who know and love Perkins and their delicious bread bowl, “this one is the ULTIMATE.”

Next came the salads. Fresh iceberg. Shredded carrots. Cucumbers. Tomatoes. CRUTONS and a generous serving of dressing on the side. Need I say more?

By the time our entrees hit Chaz and I were stuffed. I couldn’t look at the 30 shrimp. They just seemed so endless. Between the array of four preparations, I couldn’t chose a favorite. You can’t go wrong with the hand battered. And the Scampi oozed butter. Cajun was hot and spicy and the Alfredo coated in cheese! We left over full, to-go box in hand, wishing we hadn’t ordered the appetizer.

Would I go back? Heck yes. Was it delicious? It was everything I thought it would be. Would I order the same thing? Not on your life. Do I dream about cheesy biscuits every damn day? HECK YES I DO. All I can say is that I can not wait till LOBSTER FEST! BRING IT ON BITCHES, BRING IT ON!

*Prices higher in Times Square and Hawaii.

DAMN I LOVE THIS WEATHER

2006-04-21T15:57:00.000-07:00

And so do my babies. Here is what I caught on film while weeding this afternoon.

I know, you read that right. I was out of doors WEEDING. Getting dirty. I exposed my butt crack for two hours while bending over pulling nasties out of the ground. IT WAS FABULOUS. I have found a new method of relaxing that is not only good for me, but for my butt crack as well.

Princess Velcro. What a cutie.

Check out Timmy in his element. Rrower.

And once again, the princess catching some sun.

AHHHH what a beautiful day!

ROLL CALL

2006-04-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

Would the fella's in the House of Cute please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

While glancing through my pop culture life style, a couple of cuties caught my eye. Take a look at their cuteness, they might just make your day.

He can dress well, is a successful buisness man AND score one of the hottest honies around.

Is there a CUTIE in the House?

Yes he might be animated, but have you seen Liono rock the discoteque?

This cat can really ROAR! Let's hear it for the sexiest Thunder Cat around! MEE-OWWW!

With hair, or without hair Chow Yun-Fat is worth eating!

Chow down on these photos ladies!

Generally he plays a bad guy, but that doesn't fool me!

He does all of the cooking at the House of Cute.

And let me tell you, there's nothing burning in the kitchen, it's Gary, he's SMOKIN'!

LL might be cool to the touch, but the Cool J is HOT.

He can RAP me up anytime!

So misunderstood, this actor has haunted the House of Cute ever since his role in The Professional.

To top off his cuteness, he was born in Casablanca, Morocco! Take that Gary, Indiana!

AHHH the power of ME

2006-04-13T16:24:00.000-07:00

I had a day. A day of all days. One to end the world kind of days. One where you look back and think “why didn’t I just stay in bed.” Oh yeah, it was one of those.

It was TUBEsteak. (For those who don’t know this reference, feel free to check out http://bagsfagsanddrags.blogspot.com/2006/04/tube-steak.html ) I had a class. (I teach beverage sales skills for a multiple location company). My class was located at an establishment outside of Portland. But this is only where the story begins.

I am a public transportation DIVA. I would rather a bus/train take me there than to drive. This, however, is not my point. I will save the reasons why I public transit for another blog. My point of this blog is “AHHHH the power of ME.”

Anyhow. I plan my route via bus line days in advance. It should only take me an hour door to door. Not too shabby. I can read. Relax. Prep for my class. Only it is TUBEsteak, and not my day. So instead of boarding my bus, bus #35, I somehow end up on the #96. Oh yeah. You don’t even know what this means do you? For those of you out-of-towners or car-drivers, this means that by the time I realize I am on the wrong bus I am in BFT. BUTT FUCK TIGARD. I am ½ hour from my class location, and I have 45 minutes to get there.

This, however, is not the point of my blog. It is TUBEsteak, and not my day. But the point of my blog is “AHHHH the power of ME.”

I do end up getting to my location, oh yes. By the power of “MOTHER.” I have 10 minutes to set up and gain composure. I get my twenty breaths in. Set up my glassware and handouts and am ready to go.

It is a glorious day. We are outside on a patio, in the sunshine, 70 degree weather. I start my class, get into my grove. Because we are outside I have to compete vocally with traffic and an eardrum busting train, but all is good. I have everyone’s attention. They are laughing and learning and having a good time. Oh but wait, some of them aren’t. Instead they are smoking and drinking and talking a good time amongst themselves.

We have all attended school at one point in our lives. We all know the classroom dynamic. Those who sit in the front are the goody-goody-nerds and those who sit in the back are the cool-rock-in-roll-I-don’t-have-to-listen-to-you kids. This disruptive table of mine was located in the back. And they were having themselves a gay ol’ slap-each-other-on-the-ass kind of time (which is something my Gym teacher used to say).

I continue with my class. I continue with my class until it becomes so unbearable talking over the traffic, train and tough guys that I finally say something. “Hey. I have traveled out here to talk about wine. Please give me and your co-workers the respect we deserve and pay attention.” That was it. It was all I said. EVERYONE got quite. I continued. I was tired. I finished and was ready to get out of there, but TUBEsteak wasn’t done with me yet. OH NO.

One kid, who didn’t listen to me the whole time, snorting under his breath and talking baby talk every time I asked a question, claimed I was directionally challenged (which might be true considering my wrong bus adventure) and didn’t know what I was talking about. But he wasn’t the topper. The rowdy group wasn’t the topper, although they made my job difficult. The topper was “CHIEF.” That is what I will call him.

“CHIEF” was the leader of the gang. He was the one who smoked cigarettes and talked throughout my entire presentation. He was the instigator. He gave me DEATH looks throughout my entire class. “CHIEF” met me on my way out. He opened his mouth, and this is what he said:

“I just want to apologize if you thought we were being rude. We weren’t. You only get respect if you deserve respect and you DON’T deserve respect. You are rude and condescending, and don’t deserve my respect.”

I said a few things. Thought about slaying him and tried to get out of there as fast as possible. The manager met me on the front steps, apologized profusely for his staff and I went home to cry in a tub filled with lavender infused bubbles.

This is where I get to “AHHH the power of ME.”

I stand up for myself. I handled myself very well. I told the rowdy group to shut the fuck up. I pleasantly told “CHIEF” that I was sorry he felt that way. I didn’t get into the gory details with the manager about “CHIEF” and his crowd. I went home. I drew a bath. I sent an email to my superiors to let them know, not in detail, what happened and to ask for advice as to where to go from there.

I was immediately contacted by several managers, heads of human resources, etc. I was apologized to MANY a time and asked to relay, in detail my experience. My day started to disappear. I hear talk of “write-ups” and “verbal warnings.” I feel good. I feel great! I am being listened to. I am being treated like a human, unlike the day before. I didn’t want to come out as the “tattle tale” or the “bitch” but no one should be treated this way. NO ONE.

“AHHH the power of ME.”

Until “CHIEF” was fired. I felt great until that. I was told that “CHIEF” was demoted the week before and a long-time problem employee, however, I wasn’t ready for my voice to carry so far as to affect his employment. What if he has a family? What if? What if? What if?

And so I am left with the upper hand, as a better person, but I never set out to change a person’s life, nor income. I only wanted to make things right.

“AHHHH the power of ME.”

TUBE STEAK

2006-04-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today is Tuesday. My lovely friend Bo-Bandy calls it “tube steak.” I think it is fucking hilarious! So on this beautiful Tube Steak, I would like to talk about my friend Brit.

She is down. Overwhelmed. Stretched too thin. Feeling too many emotions that just make her head swell. I want to give her a rest bit. I want to give her a break. I am giving Brit my “TUBE STEAK” blog to use as an energy boost or as a nap, which ever she prefers. For the rest of you out there, be thankful that Brit is even LETTING you read this.

Brit and I met while on the job. I won’t call it work, because it wasn’t. We sold high end Italian Ceramics. We couldn’t afford the ceramics we sold. Richies would come in and ask us stupid ass questions like “what pattern do you own?” (We made close to minimum wage. We couldn’t afford a $22 coffee mug.) So, I would lie. Every day I owned a new imported Italian ceramic design. Brit didn’t lie about it. “I have one of those.” She would point to the pattern of which she bought a chipped coffee mug from the damaged/sale table the week before. Brit is good like that. She won’t lie to make other people money.

At first the owners, who looked a bit like this:

Would keep us separated. Brit would be on duvet duty on the second floor. Duvet duty consisted of changing out the bed linens on the six plus beds that were located upstairs. Each bed had to be stripped from its décor, listed from bottom to top:

1) Dust ruffle
2) Fitted sheet
3) Top sheet
4) Duvet cover
5) Coverlet
6) 2 standard pillows
7) 2-3 Euro shams
8) 2-3 small throws

Each one of these items had to be taken off of the bed or removed from the insert and re folded into its original plastic-zip-protector baggie to look as if it had never graced a floor sample. YEAH, do that six times over and you might think that you are losing your mind. “Oh, but it sounds so easy!” you say. Well un-making and re-making a bed on the second floor of a non-air conditioned building in the middle of summer is like taking a Total Body Challenge at the Sahara. No, it is like doing the Iron Man Challenge in August at Vegas. No, it is like being Oprah’s bra while she is frantically shopping for high-end Italian leather handbags.

Anyhow, that is how the owners, would keep us separated. This “second-floor-switch-a-roo” only worked until noon, when the oldest owner would leave after having a glass or two of wine to head home to get her crunk on. Her daughter would file out shortly there after citing “lunch with friends” or “big boot sale” or “I’ve got a pot of chili going on the stove.”

“Can you gals close up shop?”

“Heck yes we can!” A sly nod between the two of us. Once the cat was away, BOOYA. Brit and I would break out the martinis and pretend to dust the ceramics until closing time a six.

All in all it was pretty coosh. The two owners were manic, on one emotional plateau one minute and then flying to another the next. We worked with a few crazy rich teenagers who were friends of the owner’s family. They were fun to watch come into work every day in a “crisis.” (MY HAIR, MY FRIENDS, MY TRIP TO MIKINOS!) Brit and I would nod, look at each other and nod again.

“Fucking rich whores!”

Those were good times. Brit and I became great friends. If we had never worked there we would have never met, and I would be so sad if we had never met. Even though I wouldn’t have known that you were out there, I would have had a hallow place in my life, where you should be. Brit, I love you. We all want you to be the happy, linen folding, martini sippin girl, with your Jerry Garcia past. Don’t let the world hit you too fast and make you change. Take a moment each day to remember what has come before. Dieci Soli.

TGIF BITCH!

2006-03-31T16:43:00.000-08:00

Here are some pictures to make your Friday bright!

This is Mr T taking that "I am trying to look coy" pic.

Only the best muscian ever!

TGIF BITCHES!

Only the most fabulous alien ever created!

Enjoy the weekend all!

EATIN' GOOD IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD!

2006-03-29T09:10:00.000-08:00

My top ten favorite foods:

10) Fois Gras
9) Gummy Bears, jelly belly’s, ju ju bees
8) Ice Cream (pistachio, white licorice)
7) Pate, braunschweiger
6) Tillamook Sharp Cheddar Cheese
5) Pickles & Sauerkraut
4) Cured Meats (pepperoni, capicola, Prosciutto, salami)
3) Hot Dogs
2) Watermelon
1) Crème Brule

By looking at this list, one might suspect that I am pregnant. NO. I am 1/4 German and these foods are what Germanic people eat. Like the gummy bears. They created the damn things. http://www.candyusa.org/Candy/gummicandy.asp Germany is really Gummy Land. They go nutz for them bears! And when it comes to cured meats, hot dogs & braunschweiger, those are their national team’s mascots. And don’t even think about fucking with a Germans Sauerkraut! They will sausage your ass. So I say make yourself a list, check it twice, and see if your heritage peeks through your favorite foods…..

WHAT NOW?

2006-03-28T16:50:00.000-08:00

I worked so hard for PRW, that now that it is over I feel:

a) abandoned
b) lost
c) not quite sure what goal to focus on now
d) proud
e) all of the above

I do have projects on the burner, such as:

a) birthday gifts
b) making bag inventory
c) sourcing handbag retailers
d) making clothes for the summer
e) waxing on and waxing off
f) all of the above

The positive about working so hard to get garments together for PRW is that now I have lots of energy and confidence to continue making garments. What I would like to make in the near future:

a) spring/summer dresses
b) sassy jackets
c) printed t’s with flare
d) skirts with rockets and pockets
e) windshield wiper cozies
f) a summery duvet cover

I am really proud of myself. My garments were beautifully made. They look great on, and each piece was technically better and better than the previous one. I also received a lot of advice on what I need to do to improve my skills:

a) buy 20 zippers and sew them over and over again
b) take the time for the finishing touches, they make a difference
c) get your overlock machine fixed
d) draw/put your ideas/inspirations on paper daily
e) enjoy it

So I am going to work this next week on creating some new pieces, as well as working on the business that I currently have. All in all, I am happy with the direction in which I am going, and plan to ride this train to the top of Creative Mountain!

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT UGLY GIRLS

2006-03-27T10:14:00.000-08:00

(Due to technical difficulties, I was unable to post while away. Sorry faithful readers for the delay).

FASHION DAY
CHICAGO. 3/23/06 5:45 am

It was a beautiful morning.
The sun was shining.
Not a cloud in the sky.
Mid 40’s, but with the sun, beautiful.

Sock Monkey and I awoke and got ready. Although she was unable to model the dress for me that day, she was kind enough to wake with me and escort me to the “W” Hotel. We left her apartment at 7:00am, grabbed a cup of joe and headed via bus to Lake Shore Drive. While on the bus I spy a lady and a gent, garment bag in tow, heading toward the lake. “I know where they’re going,” I point out to Sock Monkey.

We ring the bell and hop off the bus, only to stand on Lake Shore Drive, in the blazing morning sun, wondering which direction the “W” Hotel was. I didn’t bring the address. It is a hotel for crying out loud, it should stand out, right? Sock Monkey gets out her cell and dials 411 to get a hold of someone at the “W” for an address. Frustrated, she is disconnected twice. I look up the road only to see the lady and gent that I spotted on the bus. They will know which way to go.

They don’t. We hang a left on Lake Shore Drive and walk a few blocks. Nadda. We then backtrack and hang a right for 6-8 blocks. The addresses of the buildings are growing. Between Sock Monkey, the lady and the gent, they finally get a hold of an address for the “W”. We back track again, taking a left, and arrive in front of the “W” hotel at 7:45am. There is a line, but the sun is shining and we have a great view of the lake, and the line doesn’t look so bad. SO FAR SO GOOD.

The “Lady” and the “Gent” (which they will be referred to from here on out) file in line ahead of me, and agree to be my buddies while Sock Monkey leaves me and heads off to work. I have already gained two friends and it is only 8:00 in the morning! I am pretty sweaty at this point from all of the huffing around carrying my garment bag, a satchel, my clutch and a cup of joe, so standing in the sun becomes a nice rest bit.

The line begins to grow. Designers begin to file in line behind me, wrapping around the building. A beautiful lady from Kentucky is standing behind me and we chit chat. She has on a lovely orange suit jacket, and we thank our lucky stars that the sun is out to keep us warm.

Volunteers come thru and hand out wavers for those designers that have models. They take our pictures with a Polaroid which we staple to the outside of our 24 page application with our number. I was #71. The Gent #70. Miss Kentucky #72. Things are moving along, but the line isn’t. It is building its way around the building. #70 and I get to talking. He graduated from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago and now is working in fashion. #69 (who becomes one of the dopple-ganger three), also attended SAIC the same time that I did, and we gossip about people that we both knew, and people that we both despised. Things are still going well, and the line isn’t moving.

(#69, the Lady & #70)

It is past 10:00am. The sun disappears. It gets down right COLD. But we keep chit-chatting and being catty to keep ourselves in high spirits. (Believe you me, there was so much eye candy to be catty about, from garments to really bad trannies, I really should have taken more photos). We are freezing. Miss Kentucky’s lips are turning blue. We get word that the line of designers is mounting to around 140.

11:00am. We are still standing outside. Gent #70, tells us that he tried out last year in Huston. There are three initial screening stages:
First: A producer walks around and asks you questions.
Second: A couple producers take a look at your portfolio/garments.
Third: The judges. (the rumor mill has pegged Nick, from season two, as this year’s judge.

Noon. It is down right FREEZING. And we are hungry. True fashion martyrs. We are all just waiting to make it to the heated, but still outside Valet tent, in which we will be questioned. Every time the sun comes out we run to find it, trying to warm our bones. #69, a younger looking version, but just as cute, of Nick, and I head to the front lawn, where some sun is scattering across the grass. He points out those in line he knows. Those who are doushbags. When one approaches.

“HEY! OH MY GOD, I haven’t seen you in, like years. I have been wrapped up in a crazy life. After school I got an internship in New York with Donna Karen. Then I moved to Paris where I was sewing for (fill in fancy designer here). I then moved back, hoping to use all of my FABULOUS skills and everyone I interviewed with told me I had TOO much talent, and was terribly over QULIFIED! So guess what I am doing now? Besides standing here in my FABULOUS PRADA shoes and (fancy designer) jacket? I am sewing band uniforms in Minnesota! CAN YOU BELIVE IT!?!” – we will call him “Frenchie” finally leaves, after much gagging from #70 and I.

Finally we make it to the semi heated carport! HELL YEAH! It is like 10-20 degrees warmer, and there are places to sit! It is like heaven. The Lady is kind enough to grab us some snacks to appease our gurgling tummies. The producer makes his round, asking us all questions and writing our names on a clipboard. His real name is Michael, and looks like Jered Letto, only BETTER.

“How are you today?”
“Why did you come out?”
“What makes your designs different?”
“Did you go to school for design?”

We then are left to wait some more. Turns out they go to lunch. Hey, at least we are in the tent. My team (#69, #70 & the Lady) decide, no matter how far each of us get, that after we will wait for each other at the “W” bar and grab a cocktail.

3:00pm. Somehow, #69 & #70 get ushered in without me and I am left to stand outside and wait. My number gets called. A producer tells me to wait to the side, and they grab #71 and #72 to go in ahead of me. They then take me in to wait with a group that is heading up an elevator to get judged by the panel. I skip the portfolio review and hop onto the elevator with the group, which contains my gang #69 & #70. While riding the elevator a producer tells us:

“Turn all cell-phones off. They are filming. They can hear all of the noises we make, so you need to be as quite as possible. There are racks of hangers when we get off the elevator. You need to hang your garments up and sit in the order of your numbers. Wear only what you want to be seen in, so if you want to take of your jackets, now would be the time. Sit and wait in number order to be miked up. The judging panel can take 2 minutes or it can take 20, so be prepared.”

BAM. We were off the elevator. Hanging garments. Taking off jackets. Sitting in Order. Getting miked up. Grabbing our garments. Waiting two by two to enter the room of judges. You can here them inside. You can here Tim Gunn making comments and people laughing. #69 goes in first. Then #70. It is my TURN! OH MY GOD IT IS MY TURN!

I walk in, past the garment rack. Hang my three garments and look up. Sitting at a 8”, white clothed table are the panel. A female producer, TIM GUNN, NICK and another female producer. I set my portfolio in front of Tim and head to the X on the floor where I was told to stand.

Tim: “How are you, Michelle?”

M: “Sweaty! I hope you can’t smell me from there!”

All: Laughter “We are too!”

Tim: “So you flew all the way here from Portland?”

M: “I used to live here and have some retailers here in Chicago, so I thought it was a good place to try out, mixing business with pleasure.”

Tim: “What type of retailers?”

M: “I make handbags.”

Producer: “Do you do that full time?”

M: “No, I supplement my income in the wine industry.”

Tim: “What makes you think you have what it takes to be on Project Runway?”

M: “Besides my sparkling personality?”

All: Laughter, making cute faces……

I begin to describe my design aesthetic and what I have to offer. During this speech, Tim is flipping thru my portfolio and sliding it across the table to one of the producers. The other two just are staring at me. I finish my speech. Tim looks up at my garments on the rack (which are 10 feet away from the judging panel I might add) and says:

Tim: “I just don’t think that you are what we are looking for.”

Each producer and Nick file in tune: “Yeah, not quite what we are looking for.”

M: “Alright. Alright.” I pull down the dress from the rack and say “even though I have a matching handbag for my dress, I mean, it is just TACKILY WONDERFUL don’t you think?”

All: Laughter.

Nick: “You do have a wonderful personality. Keep up the good work.”

FIN.

Side note: Isn't that what they say about ugly girls?

less than 24 HRS & COUNTING

2006-03-22T11:30:00.001-08:00

I am here in CHI-town, rolled in at 5 am. Cranky. Tired. Sock Monkey and I went and had some diner breakfast, came back to her place and crashed for a few hours while she, and her beyonce "music man", were at work.

I just washed up, added some clothes (it is cold here) and am going to take off to do some much needed sandwitching topped off with a latte.

I want to take this oppertunity to thank all of you that helped me get here.

Miss Wyoming: Big ups to you and your sister, Jessisca Simpson, for hookin a sister up with some fly ass tickets. (Yes ladies and gents, miss thang here got to sit first class!) I am sorry that my husband, CHAZ, didn't call you, like I asked him too last night to tell you I made it on the flight. I will discuss the afore mentioned with him.

CHAZ: Don't be leavin a bitch hangin. Other than that, Thank you for all of your help. I know you miss your wife, and I haven't seen much of you, BUT, I will be home in a few short days and it will be snuggles all around!

Wacky: Where do I begin. You are the egg that came first to my chicken. Um. What I am trying to say is, Thank You. Every lady needs a kindred spirit like yourself!

Jimmy: A supportive phone call from a friend is like a pint in a storm, ALWAYS WELCOME.

Sock Monkey: To crash at your pad is like re-living the days of yore. (you remember those days when we lived, you know, in Yore?)

Velcro: There is just too much to write here, you cute, stinky dog you.

If I forgot anyone, I am sorry. I am only on but a few hours of sleep. Which reminds me. Guess who I ran into at the airport? Mr New York-New York and his boyfriend Skinny Pants! I haven't seen them since Miss Wyomings wedding, where my parents couldn't get enough of them! They were flying to New York (go figure) and I told them all about the adventure I was about to have. And I quote:
"Girl, I would wish you good luck, but you don't need it- YOU ARE SO GETTING ON THERE!"

I swear ladies and gents, I have it coming out of all ends!

So I am going to raise my glass and toast: "To Tim Gund and his marvelous eye for picking miss thang to be on season 3!"

CHEERS!

(I was going to upload some photo's here but I don't think my camera plug thing is compatible with Sock Monkey's Mac... I will wait till she gets home to work this one out.)

1 1/2 DAYS & COUNTING

2006-03-21T16:35:00.000-08:00

Tonight is the night where I, hopefully board a plane and head to Chicago. My heart is racing already! If I make this flight tonight (I am flying standby) I get into Chi-Town at 5:00am. Did you catch that folks? THE RED-EYE. I know. Hard Core.

Since Sock Monkey won’t be awake at 5 AM, I am going to board the “L” and head in her direction, where she will pick me up from the “L” station and we can scream and giggle our way to the nearest coffee shop for some morning sustenance.
The last time I took the “L” was probably 5 years ago, and I am looking forward to it slightly. Since I am flying stand-by thru Miss Wyoming’s sisters’ buddy pass, I have to represent the company and dress up. I am not quite feeling the sleek attire on a train at 5 in the morning with the weather in the 30’s, but since I am totally afraid of public restrooms, I am not about to change at O’Hare. (Can’t you just picture me waiting on the train platform in “job interview” gear and Sock Monkey meeting me in p.j.s?).

I am looking forward to sharing my next few days with everyone. I am bringing a camera so that I can take many photos.

Photos I am most excited to take:
Sock Monkey in her jamies
The “W” hotel
TIM GUND (he is my all time favorite)
My Chicago competition
The public restrooms at the “W” hotel
Sock Monkey’s fat cat “MOOSE”
The producers of PRW
Previous contestants on PRW
Old Style beer

Can you just not wait to see those pics? You will have to be hanging until the day arrives. Which is speeding here so quickly, it will be over in a blink of an eye!

Until then, I would like to dedicate this post '1 1/2 DAYS & COUNTING' to the Drylid-Blackys. They both have not only called to wish me good tidings, but miss thang Wacky-Poo-Blacky posted a fantastic cheerleading blog! You two are like the twin-married-couple Chaz and I have never had. Thank you for being a friend, travel down the road and back again, your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant.

Orange you glad you're not a Banana?

2006-03-21T13:25:00.000-08:00

That is what I think of when I look at this dress! The color isn't true in these photographs. The fabric is an orange/charcoal checker print, with a VIVID yellow sash-thing. Isn't it just GRAND?!?! And the best part of it is, it has a MATCHING handbag! Yeah, fucking cool, and yet oh-so-tackey.

I love it. I wish I could wear it, however I custom made it to fit my possible model "sock monkey". She is who I am staying with in Chicago. She doesn't sound to sure that she will be able to make it. As far as I see it, I made a custom dress for her ass (which I am pleased as punch with), and because I made her a custom dress, she better get her butt out of work! Did anyone hear of a rabid case of whooping cough going around?

Anyhow. Now all I have to do before leaving tonight is:

Button/hooks on coat
buttons on skirt
laundry
packing
figuring out what to wear
eating
showering
shaving
portfolio
trimming extra threads off garments
kissing husband
having a glass of wine

I think that I can do it between now and then, don't you?
CHEERS! I can't beleive I did it!

if she can do it

2006-03-21T07:22:00.000-08:00

THAN I CAN DO IT. Check this out faithfull readers:

(I keep trying to post a picture of her and it isn't letting me, sorry folks).

LOS ANGELES -
Della Reese' is tired of boring clothes for larger women. So the plus-size actress and singer has started her own clothing line.

"It's very difficult for me to find anything with shape or color ... some oomph," said Reese, who described herself as 5 feet 2 inches tall and 200 pounds.
Reese, 74, has designed her own vividly hued outfits for years. Her line, Della Reese Fashions, will debut April 4 on the Home Shopping Network.
"I want to give women the opportunity to have some pizazz also," said Reese, who starred in TV's "Touched by an Angel."
Her line of cocktail, office and casual wear will feature a range of colors.
"I like bright yellows, oranges, reds. I like purple and pink, not just purple and purple and purple," she said.
Reese is also an activist against diabetes and a church pastor. Four months ago, she received a doctorate in divinity from the University of Metaphysics in Sedona, Ariz.

I mean SHIT, what HASN'T this woman done?

Number Two

2006-03-20T10:26:00.000-08:00

Almost complete. I still have to sew in the hem, add the eye hook above the zipper and sew the button details on to the bottom. I think I am cruzing along here.

Front:

Back:Detail:
As long as I get tomorrow off, I think I will be finished in time to catch a plane.

The big question is, what am I going to wear?

2 X 4 DAYS AND COUNTING

2006-03-20T06:17:00.000-08:00

So I leave tomorrow for Chicago. I don't have much time. Chaz picks up the prints from the photo place this afternoon, and I have six or so hours of job work to do. So I got my butt up early, made some coffee and toast and am heading down to finish the skirt. I will post a photo before heading off to work.

Here goes morning maddness.

less than 5 DAYS & COUNTING

2006-03-19T18:59:00.000-08:00

I told myself that I wasn’t going to get frustrated, that this whole project (project-get-me-on-reality-TV), was going to be an adventure, something to look forward to. Today was a different story.

I can control my sewing. I can control my creativity and ideas. I can have fun with this. HOWEVER, I can not control the sale of portfolios, nor the merchandizing of them, which has turned out to be my biggest frustration out of this whole process. I know what I want. I know what I want to spend. But I can’t find it. Instead I have to search, high and low, to over 10 different stores, INCLUDING, second-hand shops, looking for a stylish, clean, not cheap looking, 3-ring-binder-portfolio-thingy. I have spent more time roaming around the city looking for the elusive plastic contraption than I have sewing, which is a DAMN shame.

So, I was almost brought to tears. I KNOW. TEARS. I shouldn’t be crying, or on the brink of crying during such an exciting adventure such as project-get-me-on-reality-TV! While balancing on the edge my superhero of a husband ran out into the foggy, wind swept, scrap booking world and brought me some closure. He brought me 8 ½” X 11” plastic, non acid, page protectors. And not just one style, TWO to choose from. I was so close to jumping off that “I’m going to go psycho cliff,” but Chaz rescued me. Give him props everybody!

And not only did he rescue me, but they look great.

Anyhow, it is going on 7 pm, and I have only just finished my first garment to show. Enjoy the pictures, I am off to start my second garment. Ciao babies!

less than 6 DAYS & COUNTING

2006-03-18T23:27:00.000-08:00

What a day! I didn’t actually hit the thread until quarter past seven this evening, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t uneventful. Today validated the fact that people, deep down, just really want to be humanitarians and help other people. I have seen it more in the past three days than any other time in my life. It is AWE-inspiring.

Here is just a tid-bit of what I have experienced lately:

Friends Miss Wyoming, Wacky, & Gucci have pushed and prodded me and given me support to go out on a limb and fulfill a whim. From procuring me a ticket, to supporting with words from afar, I really couldn’t ask for a better cheer-leading section.

Photos A guy I have never met before letting me use his studio on a Friday night after a long work week working in someone else’s photo studio, of which we stayed for FOUR hours, AND doing the post work (editing) of all of the photos. WHO does that? FOR FREE? Prints them, cleans them up, sets up the lights, etc. FUCKING PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Sales I know, customer service can be a bit tricky to navigate, however, like I stated before, “people inherently want to help people.” It makes us all feel good to have a pleasant interaction with a stranger, and the more we can reproduce those feelings the better our lives are. Two examples:

1. I had to get my digital studio photos of my garments printed at a professional printer. Miss Wyoming guessed it would cost between $50-$60. The first stop estimated over $100 just for 15 prints, which didn’t include my additional 11 prints of handbags. A bit forlorn we left and headed to a second shop. At the second shop (Quick Stop Photo, located in downtown PDX), I was quoted $6 a print. Still too high for my budget. The gal behind the counter then said, “BUT, if you upload them yourself on our computer there (located at the end of the counter), it will cost you a mere $1.99 per print. Or you can go home and upload them there.” She then proceeded to walk us through the process, holding our hands and telling jokes the whole time. An incredibly PLEASANT experience, which only cost $35! HOT DAMN, you say. I KNOW.

2. On the 6 stop quest for finding an inexpensive but sleek portfolio our last stop took us to our neighborhood office supply retailer Office. We walked in and the owner recognized us immediately. “Manny & Michelle, right?” HOLY SHIT, we have met him, maybe twice. And spent a good ½ hour looking up portfolio styles online and showing us what they had, which were fucking beautiful, but way over the bugee. HOW WONDERUFL. What a local neighborhood retailer should be like. I felt like I was at Olive Garden, where we all become family. (Who remembers the waiter, Jeremy?)

So anyhow. I know I am going on and on about this stuff, but I really feel like I am on cloud 9, not only because I am doing what I love, but because of all the people I love around me. I hope this rollercoaster doesn’t stop, because I really don’t want to get off!
Therefore, I dedicate “Less than 6 DAYS & COUNTING” to all of the people out there that love to help others, for nothing but a smile. I am smiling right now.

6 DAYS & COUNTING

2006-03-18T10:20:00.000-08:00

The photo shoot yesterday went amazingly well, it just took longer than we thought. 4 hours to shoot 8 garments! Yeah, I know. But they look professional and FANTASTIC! Take a look.

So today I have to take them down to a photo printing place and have them printed as well as 10 pictures of my bags. I am hoping it doesn’t cost over $50. Then I have to find a portfolio to put them in. What do you all think of these ideas:

Michelle’s first fashion folio:
Black book with Black pages
Actually sewing the photographs to the pages (do you think this will look too crafty?)
The first pages garments followed by handbag pictures
Branding each page with my business card or stenciled ‘m’
Including pictures of when I wore the garments (i.e., wedding dress)

Working with Miss Wyoming was a pleasure last night. Since she works in the pro-photo world, she knows all of the touches (hence the photo shoot taking four hours). But since I already gave her a shout out yesterday, it is time for someone else’s glory. Chaz, step on up.
Today Chaz is going to be my right hand man. (He is really my left hand man, ever since we got hitched 3 1/2 years ago, and he placed that ring on my left hand finger). He is going to help me pick ten handbag pictures out of 100, size them down and have them printed. He is going to help me organize the folio as well as pick one out. He is going to buy me lunch (he doesn’t know about this one yet), as well as take me to the fabric store to buy some last minute things: thread, zippers, snaps, etc.

So, Thank you Chaz. I know this whirl-wind experience has been hard for you. I am always in the studio, or running around, and we don’t get to spend much time together, and I know you are feeling a bit left out. I want to thank you. I want to thank you for being incredibly supportive. I want to thank you for stretching the buck when we don’t have much so that I can do this. I dedicated “6 DAYS & COUNTING” to you Chaz. The most loving husband in the world.

Did I tell you all the open casting call is being held at The W hotel in Chicago? Fancy, right? What ever am I going to wear? I am up for suggestions. (No, Chaz, I’m not going to wear a thong…)

7 DAYS & COUNTING

2006-03-17T09:05:00.000-08:00

(I will try my best to post each day, possibly twice to document the progress of my reality TV experience).

Requirements for the open casting call are:
1. 3 clothing looks of my own design
2. Picture Portfolio
3. Completed application

So far I have the 3rd requirement completed. I have the three pieces that I am going to bring designed on paper. They are:
1. A modern take on a 1950’s style party jacket.
2. An un-boring figure flattering pencil skirt to razzle dazzle at a board meeting.
3. And finally, a Pacific Northwest party dress that goes from baby shower brunch to wine country in the snap of a finger.

Out of the three I am about ½ finished on the jacket.
I still have to:
Finish the sleeves
Add the collar
Attach the lining
Closures (snaps, buttons, etc)

After I get the above completed I need to get all of my finished looks from years past together as well as my dress form and meet up with Miss Wyoming. She and I, bless her soul, are going to her co-workers house to use his photo studio to get me a portfolio! I have ten looks, including my wedding dress, to photograph. Plus about 100 pictures of handbags I already have documented to add to the folio. Once we are done (Miss Wyoming thinks it will take about 3 hours) I need to take her out for something special. Perhaps a cool treat at Dairy Queen?

She has helped me out so much to get this process rolling, from finding me a plane ticket to helping me put together my portfolio. Without Miss Wyoming, my dream of becoming a reality TV star wouldn’t be happening. (for all of the other peeps that have helped me, don’t worry, your blog thanking butt will see the page soon). So I am dedicating this here 7 days left blog to Miss Wyoming!

As far as the other two looks are concerned, I need to start the skirt by tomorrow morning and the dress by Sunday night. Plus find a book for a portfolio and print out all of the pictures and place them, nicely, in my very first fashion folio (say that three times fast). I think that I can do it! I think that I can get it done by Tuesday night! I am the little train that could! Or is it engine?

Miss Wyoming might kill me for using this photo, but it is the only updated picture I have of her! Doesn't Relyt look drunk?!

I'M HOOKED ON A FEELING

2006-03-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

That is what I have to go with. To ride this sewing exploration out.

Today start the mad-capped five day prep that leads up to my Reality T.V. adventure. I am a bit nervous. I go through waves of excitement followed by “what the fuck am I thinking” followed by “I can do this; I whip up stylie looks all the time using my Sears brand Kenmore.” WHAT!

Yeah. That is what I sew on. A Sears, $100 model Kenmore. I am sure the other folks out there that are vying for one of the 16 slots sew with much more fabulous machines, like the golden Juki, or the ever so orgasmic Pfaff. I am having machine envy based anxiety attacks. THERE IS NO TIME FOR THOSE. So today I am going to hit the fabric, head up, fingers crossed that in the next few days I can produce the most mind blowing, creative pieces reality TV. has ever seen.

You with me, yall?

Are you ready to RUMBLE?

2006-03-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I am. I’m coming out, I want the world to know, that I’m going to try to get on a T.V. show! Oh, yeah.

13 days and counting. I will be standing in a room in Chicago, somewhere, with a handful of clothes and bags and a dream. A dream to sew my butt off designing some of the most stellar, original, & colorful pieces the world has ever seen!

And perhaps I will make the cut. Perhaps not.

Why spend all of my time working hard for this in the next two weeks? Why battle with the stress level? Why go into a million to one scenario with the hope of acceptance? With the hope of a win? With the hope to be on television?

Because if passed up this opportunity I would wonder for the rest of my life if I could have made it. Not that being on television means making it, but the exposure would shred 5-10 years of work out of the way, getting my designs & style into visibility. THAT WOULD KICK ASS! And hey, if I meet a celebrity along the way, added bonus.

What is the agenda? For the next 13 days I need two sew three pieces, photograph all of my finished work, make a portfolio and get my butt to Chicago. Sounds easy, right?

We shall see.

Lo Cal Plate

2006-03-05T14:21:00.000-08:00

On most diner menus, the Lo-Cal plate includes cottage cheese, a hamburger patty, a tomato slice and a few peaches. Now I have never ordered the Lo-Cal plate, mostly because it sounds unappealing, and I am not in the right age bracket, nor am thin enough. These are the women who order the Lo-Cal plate:

And these are the women who share the Lo-Cal plate:

The topic of the Lo-Cal plate came up on Saturday when I was eating cottage cheese. Chaz mentioned that he loved him some cottage cheese too, but is unable to eat it due to its ability to liquefy while in his belly and shoot like a rocket out of his ass. We actually caught this on film a few years ago. Take a look:

It was unfortunate timing, and the poor seagulls… Anyway, Chaz went online and looked up the Lo-Cal plate. Usually found under the salad section of traditional diner menus, the Lo-Cal plate is an inexpensive option for a meal. Since I have never had one, I am going to put it on my to-do list. I will keep you posted on my Lo-Cal experience. Bon Appetit.

it's the liquor talking.....

2006-03-04T09:38:00.000-08:00

Tequila runs into Mix Mann at the local health clinic.

Both had had a late night.

Tequila had a date with Hammi,

while Mix was dancing the night away at the local discoteque, pickin up "rimmers".*

* In the drink world a "rimmer" is a beverage enhancer, usually placed on the rim of the cocktail glass, such as: rock salt for margaritas, sugar for lemondrops and celery salt for bloody marys. Mix Mann uses this word as slang for young gay prostitutes.

Trouble with a capital "L"

2006-03-02T13:38:00.000-08:00

Leave no door open.
No beverage full & without a lid.
Keep all bells safely tucked away.
Hide your pin cushions.
Keep the toilet seat down.
Make sure all faucets are turned off.
Close the bathroom door before climbing into the shower.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Hide your pin cushions?

Yup. I’m not fucking around here. She is trouble. Trouble with a capital “L”. LaFonda. Destructor of all things destroyable. A menace to all things that look like they could use a menacing. Villain to all that is good, holy, and just. LA-what-the-fuck-did-you-do-to-my-pin-cushion-FONDA. What did she do? Take a look.

Now, I habitually close my sewing studio door, but there is the rare occasion where I plum forget. This was one of those instances. Down right HONKEY TONK! That is what she is! A HONKEY TONK CAT! And she isn’t the only one. There is another member of her destructive gang. Timmy, also a HONKEY TONK CAT! Timmy’s methods are a bit more physical. He attacks the person. Climbs the limbs like a tree. Catapults onto your chest to kneed ferociously. (I could have had two puns there, but decided not to on behalf of my readers). Curls up in a sleepy ball, looking so peaceful, but when you come near- he’ll fucking rip your eyeballs out.

OH YEAH, HONKEY TONK CATS.

At night they roam the house, jonesin’ for trouble. “T” scratchin’ up the woodwork. “L” knocking down everything in her path on her race around the house. These two cats are so evil, that you can spot them from a mile away.

Take a look at “T”:

And can you spot HONKEY TONK “L”?

That is what I thought.
Do your research before adopting a cat.

Make sure they aren’t members of the HONKEY TONK GANG!

FINALLY

2006-02-28T17:38:00.000-08:00

Finally it has happened to me right in front of my face
My feelings can't describe it
Finally it has happened to me right in front of my face
And I just cannot hide it

http://www.cecepeniston.com/

That is right.

With all of the peeps setting up their blogs, all of which I enjoy so much, I had to join the train. It seems to be the only way to stay in contact these days. And with my less than stellar phone etiquette, it only seemed natural to have a blog of my own and let people know what I am up to. But before I continue, I would like to thank the blogs that have inspired me to post.

First I would like to thank my husband CHAZ. With out http://chazfresh.blogspot.com/ I wouln't know what he is down with.

I would also like to thank Wacky. With out your blog site http://wackypooblacky.blogspot.com/ I wouldn't of thought that I could grow the balls to follow in the footsteps of our other halves. You are truly an inspiration in black!

I also want to thank http://jimmydrylids.blogspot.com/. Jimmy, through the roadblocks of writing, you persevere to bring a blog I visit daily. Your warm welcome of comments and ideas truly inspire me to write an open blog, one that doesn't distinguish comments from the wet or the dry.

Then there are the sisters from Wyoming, both http://wyomingite.blogspot.com/, and http://k-rollin.blogspot.com/. These two sisters make having a blogging family worth wile. They love their down home Wyoming roots, their mother and, of course, Dairy Queen. Thank you ladies for reminding me what family is.

I can not forget to thank: http://www.threefourtwo.org/ , http://www.tylerbooth.com/ , and http://blog.myspace.com/andymac323 you boys really know how to throw a curve ball!

And last but not least there is http://weeninwyoming.blogspot.com/ . Lady, it was hard for me to go so long without your posts, but when you came back, I was put at ease. Thank you.

For all of the blogs that I have missed to thank, I apologize. They are starting to cue the music to cut to a commercial, so I have to cut this short. I only hope that my blog lives up to the bogs of my predecessors.
Thank you, and good night!